Monday, March 19, 2012

Of Questionable Sanity

After going through HG, thoughts of having another child - let alone several more, as we were (and still are) hoping seemed crazy and basically sent me into a panic.  Which is why I find myself questioning my sanity since I know have baby fever.

It's amazing how resilient both the human body and the psyche can be.  Or maybe how forgetful.  Do I not remember the pain and misery?  Do I not remember how I couldn't even get out of bed?  How am I supposed to do all of that with a toddler underfoot, and in the future more than one older child?

Of course I know the answer already.  Yes, I do remember, and that is why I have spent the past year making preparations of mind, body, and house in order to make things go more smoothly.  I have a document on my computer of lists of things to do beforehand and during to try to keep things good.  I speak with many people about various ideas and options, doctor recommendations, etc.

I still feel pretty insane to be considering this again.  Kids must really be something special for a mother to be willing to risk her life (pretty literally, in this case) in order to bring more into the world.  I guess I just take the commandment of "be fruitful and multiply" very seriously.

I'll do everything I possibly can to survive.  The rest is up to G-d.

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