Today I am officially 19 weeks along. Yay! One more week until the halfway mark, five more weeks until viability, and more weeks than I care to write until the babe himself is here. But the point is, we're getting there!
In the past nine days, I have had a significant improvement. I still am not gaining weight (total weight loss of 10kg/22lbs), but I am also not losing. One day I tried to reduce one dose of zofran slightly, and that didn't go too well. Heartburn is increasing, but so is my teeny tiny little pregnant belly. My belly is slightly larger than it was with L.H., so I'm taking that as a good sign.
I can eat more overall (around 1500 calories a day now, yay!), and I can also eat a larger variety of foods. The past couple of days protein has been staying in the best, so that's what I'm eating. I'm not going to go into details of specific foods, in case an HG sufferer is reading this...no need to cause you any more issues than you're already having!
My big issue right now, which of course makes all other issues worse, is that I am having an incredibly difficult time sleeping at night and I have no clue why or how to improve the situation. I fall asleep just fine and sleep really well for around three hours before waking up and, for the most part, failing to fall asleep again. As you can imagine, this makes all of the bodily aches and pains, the nausea, and my general mood and ability to cope much worse.
We're still taking it one day at a time, but now I have hope (which is a much bigger thing than it sounds like, to anyone to has never been through this). I still spend a lot of time fantasizing about the birth and planning different scenarios for how it can go down, but I also plan some more short-term things, like maybe this afternoon I'll go to the grocery store across the street to pick up three foods I think I can eat. I can now walk into the store without automatically vomiting, so we're really making progress.
My improvement this time came several weeks earlier than it did last time, and it is also a much more marked improvement than last time. Of course, until I start managing to put on a little weight and hopefully manage to reduce my zofran by at least a little, I won't feel quite like I've halfway beat HG. But in the meantime, I'm doing my best and fighting as hard as I can to bring this little life into the world.
Anatomy scan coming up soon (we wound up skipping the first one this time because I couldn't physically get over to the doctor's office to pick up the referral). My last u/s showed a healthy baby who measured about a week ahead, so apparently whatever it is that I'm doing is working for the baby, even if it's not working for me. Hopefully the good news about this wriggly little creature will keep pouring in.
I hope that all fellow sufferers out there are doing okay, and that even if you don't wind up with such a wonderful improvement like I have this time, that you at least have your fair share of good days.
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Emotional Rollercoaster
I have gone through such a set of emotions in the past several weeks. First I was just happy and I spent some time to bask in that happiness and optimism by myself before sharing the news with my husband (who I knew would be incredibly stressed by the news, but ultimately happy because we like babies a lot). I managed to hold on to that optimism for quite a nice while, I think. Unfortunately, that has all been turned around now that I see that I am going down the HG road again.
Seriously, half the time I just want to cry - and I guarantee that it's not all hormones. I remember, perhaps a bit too vividly, how truly horrible things were last time. I know that much of that was due to not getting proper medical care until it was too late to prevent or reverse the course I was already going down. But some of it was just good ol' hyperemesis at work.
Part of me keeps thinking, how could I have let myself get into this mess again? Why did I think that I could do this again and be fine? How can I do this again to my husband and now to my toddler daughter? Even with the best treatment, we will all be relying too heavily on my husband and I won't be able to give my daughter the attention that she deserves. I already don't feel up to taking her to the park (which is right outside our front door) and I know that I haven't hit the worst yet. Hopefully I will be fully medicated and the worst won't actually be much worse than right now, but there are no guarantees in this business.
After giving birth to LH a bit over two years ago, I told my husband that I was willing to give it two more tries for a total of three children, but that if HG was a constant in our lives then no way were we ever going to get to the 6 that we had originally dreamed of. Now I'm looking back and thinking that I was a fool for promising I would do this two more times. I mean, why on earth would someone knowingly subject themselves to this oh-so-wonderful torture? If you have HG once then you are more likely than not going to have it again; once you've had it twice I feel like there's just no hope.
I so much understand all the people who go the adoption or surrogacy route, but unfortunately neither of those are an option for us. Surrogacy is not only incredibly expensive, I also would feel really bad about it. For me, I wouldn't be able to have that emotional disconnect that I was carrying a child in my womb who wasn't mine. So I can't expect another woman to be able to do so, at least not without me feeling kind of bad about it.
As for adoption, from what I understand the list in Israel to adopt a newborn is nearly 10 years long. So aside from the expense and the long wait, I would also feel bad about that. There are many, many couples on that waiting list who are physically incapable of bearing their own children. I'm not incapable; I just find it an incredibly distressing experience. I would feel bad taking up their spots just because I "didn't feel like" making my own baby the usual way.
To me, two kids isn't a complete family. But what am I supposed to do? This is a really, really depressing and difficult thing to go through and it will just be more difficult each time as I have more existing children to look after. There are women who do these multiple times, even six or more times, but I frankly have no desire to go through this a second time let alone a fifth.
I suppose that a few years down the line I'll be back on here, blogging about the exact same thing and how I can't believe that I let myself get into this for a third time. What can I say, babies just make me so happy. :)
Seriously, half the time I just want to cry - and I guarantee that it's not all hormones. I remember, perhaps a bit too vividly, how truly horrible things were last time. I know that much of that was due to not getting proper medical care until it was too late to prevent or reverse the course I was already going down. But some of it was just good ol' hyperemesis at work.
Part of me keeps thinking, how could I have let myself get into this mess again? Why did I think that I could do this again and be fine? How can I do this again to my husband and now to my toddler daughter? Even with the best treatment, we will all be relying too heavily on my husband and I won't be able to give my daughter the attention that she deserves. I already don't feel up to taking her to the park (which is right outside our front door) and I know that I haven't hit the worst yet. Hopefully I will be fully medicated and the worst won't actually be much worse than right now, but there are no guarantees in this business.
After giving birth to LH a bit over two years ago, I told my husband that I was willing to give it two more tries for a total of three children, but that if HG was a constant in our lives then no way were we ever going to get to the 6 that we had originally dreamed of. Now I'm looking back and thinking that I was a fool for promising I would do this two more times. I mean, why on earth would someone knowingly subject themselves to this oh-so-wonderful torture? If you have HG once then you are more likely than not going to have it again; once you've had it twice I feel like there's just no hope.
I so much understand all the people who go the adoption or surrogacy route, but unfortunately neither of those are an option for us. Surrogacy is not only incredibly expensive, I also would feel really bad about it. For me, I wouldn't be able to have that emotional disconnect that I was carrying a child in my womb who wasn't mine. So I can't expect another woman to be able to do so, at least not without me feeling kind of bad about it.
As for adoption, from what I understand the list in Israel to adopt a newborn is nearly 10 years long. So aside from the expense and the long wait, I would also feel bad about that. There are many, many couples on that waiting list who are physically incapable of bearing their own children. I'm not incapable; I just find it an incredibly distressing experience. I would feel bad taking up their spots just because I "didn't feel like" making my own baby the usual way.
To me, two kids isn't a complete family. But what am I supposed to do? This is a really, really depressing and difficult thing to go through and it will just be more difficult each time as I have more existing children to look after. There are women who do these multiple times, even six or more times, but I frankly have no desire to go through this a second time let alone a fifth.
I suppose that a few years down the line I'll be back on here, blogging about the exact same thing and how I can't believe that I let myself get into this for a third time. What can I say, babies just make me so happy. :)
Sunday, September 23, 2012
In Denial
I have reached an interesting stage in my HGness: a sort of kind of quasi-denial. You see, I would so much love to have another baby right now. I mean, the cuteness of the first one (now about to turn 2) is just so amazing that you can't help but want another one.
The fact that I had HG in my previous pregnancy is indisputable. Sometimes I try to talk myself into believing that it really wasn't so bad and that with proper care I would have been totally fine. With proper care I would have been better, I'm sure, but I wouldn't have been totally fine. And I can't let myself forget what happened because if I do that - I won't be adequately prepared for what might come with a positive pregnancy test.
Another interesting side effect that has manifested is a decided aversion to doctors, especially new ones. We moved to a new city two months ago and even though I know I need to see a doctor for something, I have been stalling and 'forgetting' and refusing to make the appointment. I saw a doctor every week while pregnant and so many times it was a disappointing experience where they had nothing to offer me but a 'wait and see' approach. I just can't bring myself to pick up the phone now and schedule anything.
As I wrote in my previous post on preparing for an HG pregnancy, it is best to sit down with your doctor in before even trying to conceive and to agree on a plan of action. I know how crucial this can be to keeping away from the worst of HG, and yet I still can't bring myself to go in. What if this doctor is no good? What if she doesn't know how to treat HG or won't treat it aggressively? What if she won't give me the higher dose of zofran that I never got last time and yet could have made such a huge difference? What if, what if, what if?
I know that eventually I'll just have to suck it up and do what I need to do. But I can't quite bring myself to do it yet.
The fact that I had HG in my previous pregnancy is indisputable. Sometimes I try to talk myself into believing that it really wasn't so bad and that with proper care I would have been totally fine. With proper care I would have been better, I'm sure, but I wouldn't have been totally fine. And I can't let myself forget what happened because if I do that - I won't be adequately prepared for what might come with a positive pregnancy test.
Another interesting side effect that has manifested is a decided aversion to doctors, especially new ones. We moved to a new city two months ago and even though I know I need to see a doctor for something, I have been stalling and 'forgetting' and refusing to make the appointment. I saw a doctor every week while pregnant and so many times it was a disappointing experience where they had nothing to offer me but a 'wait and see' approach. I just can't bring myself to pick up the phone now and schedule anything.
As I wrote in my previous post on preparing for an HG pregnancy, it is best to sit down with your doctor in before even trying to conceive and to agree on a plan of action. I know how crucial this can be to keeping away from the worst of HG, and yet I still can't bring myself to go in. What if this doctor is no good? What if she doesn't know how to treat HG or won't treat it aggressively? What if she won't give me the higher dose of zofran that I never got last time and yet could have made such a huge difference? What if, what if, what if?
I know that eventually I'll just have to suck it up and do what I need to do. But I can't quite bring myself to do it yet.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Preparing for Another HG Pregnancy
I had hyperemesis with my first - and as yet only - pregnancy. According to my doctor and research, however, I have a very high likelihood (60-70%) of having it in future pregnancies as well. Since I gave birth 21 months ago, I have been preparing myself for another pregnancy. The physical preparations are pretty simple. The emotional and psychological preparations are not.
Here is a list of things to do to prepare for another HG pregnancy. I have compiled this list from the list here from the Help HER website, as well as feedback I received from other HG mothers when I asked them what they thought would be good to do in advance. I have split it into several categories for the sake of clarity and organization.
CHILDCARE
If you have older children, be sure that they are taken care of. Have a rotation of friends and family look after them, but keep in mind that they will sorely miss you. For younger children, consider having a basket of quiet activities to keep near you so that they can play near you and with you if you are up for it. For older children, let them know that you are willing to listen whenever they want to talk and ask them to come sit with you and tell you about their day each afternoon. See if there are any activities you can do together while you lay down. Board games? If they are in a sport/dance/play/whatever and you can't make it to their performances or events, have someone videotape it for you and make sure to watch it with your child afterwards.
For pre-school-aged children, consider getting together with other mothers for a round-robin playgroup. If there are five children then each mother has the children only one day a week. Perhaps you can get a family member or friend to be at your house the day the kids are 'yours' and run the activities and take care of them. It would even be worthwhile to hire someone to help, if that is a possibility.
HOUSEHOLD
Make sure that you aren't planning a move for the next year or more. Moving while pregnant sucks, especially if you have HG. Take if from me. I did it. DON'T DO IT.
Stock up on EVERYTHING beforehand. Your husband/significant other will be so overwhelmed just with taking care of you and trying to keep things somewhat sane that you don't want to add extra stresses. Stock up on all non-perishables, and if you have a deep freeze you can stock up on some frozen goods as well. Don't forget about things like toilet paper, soaps, cleaners, clothing, etc.
In all your stocking up, try to avoid anything perfumed or otherwise scented as this can be a trigger for vomiting.
Cook and freeze in advance. Again, a deep-freeze is good for this because the food keeps longer. Store the food in containers that are the correct size for one meal for how ever many people are eating. Last time soups wound up being good for hydrating me, so this time I will precook soups and freeze them in single servings in the hopes that they will work again.
Look into grocery delivery services. Again, this will make your husband's life easier.
Do a deep clean of your house beforehand or hire someone to do it for you. Organize. If possible, arrange for a cleaner (or an awesome friend) to come by once a week and help out with cleaning.
Keep a cabinet full of new toys/activities to keep older children busy when you're at your worst. Go to the dollar store or the dollar section at Target and stock up. Brainstorm and write up a long list of fun activities so that when your brain is in HG mode you don't even have to think too hard and come up with something new.
DENTAL HEALTH
Go to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays and address any cavities or other issues. Also ask the dentist about a sealant for your teeth to help protect them against all the vomiting.
GENERAL HEALTH
Address any other health issues before considering trying to conceive.
Quit smoking, drinking alcohol, reduce caffeine intake. Avoid artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, etc.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet and make sure you have moderate exercise. With severe HG you will have muscle atrophy. It helps if you have some muscle to begin with before it atrophies.
Make sure you are slightly above (10 lbs above) your goal healthy weight. If you are overweight, don't add these 10 lbs. If you are underweight, spend some serious effort bulking up. You don't want to do this by eating ice cream all day. You want to do this by increasing your intake of healthy food and increasing the amount of healthy fats in your diet. For example, never eat a naked salad - always put on dressing.
Ask your doctor for a comprehensive blood test to check B12, CBC, Ferritin, Potassium, Vitamin D, folic acid and any other levels he thinks it appropriate to address. Address any vitamin/mineral deficiencies BEFORE trying to conceive. This blood panel will also serve as a reference point for what your blood looked like when you were healthy.
Start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months before trying to conceive. Don't forget to take folic acid. Also, magnesium deficiencies have been shown to contribute to nausea so ask your doctor if you should take a supplement and how much. And don't forget B6 - while I didn't notice it helping any when I tried it, I was already pretty far gone before it was suggested. Taking it in advance or from the positive pregnancy test may work better.
EDUCATE
Educate yourself. Educate your family. Educate your friends. Educate your doctor. Educate your community. Educate, educate, educate. I can't stress how important it is. The HER Foundation has fantastic resources in this area. Use them.
Obviously there are about a zillion and one other things you can do as well. I didn't mention a lot of the things on the list at the HER Foundation because - well, why duplicate effort? Each individual will have their own needs as well. The best thing to do is to sit down with your doctor in advance and make an action plan. Of course we all hope that all of this planning will be completely useless because we'll have happy, fluffy, non-HG pregnancies - but we can't count on that happening.
I hope that this list provides at least a springboard for planning for your next HG pregnancy.
Here is a list of things to do to prepare for another HG pregnancy. I have compiled this list from the list here from the Help HER website, as well as feedback I received from other HG mothers when I asked them what they thought would be good to do in advance. I have split it into several categories for the sake of clarity and organization.
CHILDCARE
If you have older children, be sure that they are taken care of. Have a rotation of friends and family look after them, but keep in mind that they will sorely miss you. For younger children, consider having a basket of quiet activities to keep near you so that they can play near you and with you if you are up for it. For older children, let them know that you are willing to listen whenever they want to talk and ask them to come sit with you and tell you about their day each afternoon. See if there are any activities you can do together while you lay down. Board games? If they are in a sport/dance/play/whatever and you can't make it to their performances or events, have someone videotape it for you and make sure to watch it with your child afterwards.
For pre-school-aged children, consider getting together with other mothers for a round-robin playgroup. If there are five children then each mother has the children only one day a week. Perhaps you can get a family member or friend to be at your house the day the kids are 'yours' and run the activities and take care of them. It would even be worthwhile to hire someone to help, if that is a possibility.
HOUSEHOLD
Make sure that you aren't planning a move for the next year or more. Moving while pregnant sucks, especially if you have HG. Take if from me. I did it. DON'T DO IT.
Stock up on EVERYTHING beforehand. Your husband/significant other will be so overwhelmed just with taking care of you and trying to keep things somewhat sane that you don't want to add extra stresses. Stock up on all non-perishables, and if you have a deep freeze you can stock up on some frozen goods as well. Don't forget about things like toilet paper, soaps, cleaners, clothing, etc.
In all your stocking up, try to avoid anything perfumed or otherwise scented as this can be a trigger for vomiting.
Cook and freeze in advance. Again, a deep-freeze is good for this because the food keeps longer. Store the food in containers that are the correct size for one meal for how ever many people are eating. Last time soups wound up being good for hydrating me, so this time I will precook soups and freeze them in single servings in the hopes that they will work again.
Look into grocery delivery services. Again, this will make your husband's life easier.
Do a deep clean of your house beforehand or hire someone to do it for you. Organize. If possible, arrange for a cleaner (or an awesome friend) to come by once a week and help out with cleaning.
Keep a cabinet full of new toys/activities to keep older children busy when you're at your worst. Go to the dollar store or the dollar section at Target and stock up. Brainstorm and write up a long list of fun activities so that when your brain is in HG mode you don't even have to think too hard and come up with something new.
DENTAL HEALTH
Go to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays and address any cavities or other issues. Also ask the dentist about a sealant for your teeth to help protect them against all the vomiting.
GENERAL HEALTH
Address any other health issues before considering trying to conceive.
Quit smoking, drinking alcohol, reduce caffeine intake. Avoid artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, etc.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet and make sure you have moderate exercise. With severe HG you will have muscle atrophy. It helps if you have some muscle to begin with before it atrophies.
Make sure you are slightly above (10 lbs above) your goal healthy weight. If you are overweight, don't add these 10 lbs. If you are underweight, spend some serious effort bulking up. You don't want to do this by eating ice cream all day. You want to do this by increasing your intake of healthy food and increasing the amount of healthy fats in your diet. For example, never eat a naked salad - always put on dressing.
Ask your doctor for a comprehensive blood test to check B12, CBC, Ferritin, Potassium, Vitamin D, folic acid and any other levels he thinks it appropriate to address. Address any vitamin/mineral deficiencies BEFORE trying to conceive. This blood panel will also serve as a reference point for what your blood looked like when you were healthy.
Start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months before trying to conceive. Don't forget to take folic acid. Also, magnesium deficiencies have been shown to contribute to nausea so ask your doctor if you should take a supplement and how much. And don't forget B6 - while I didn't notice it helping any when I tried it, I was already pretty far gone before it was suggested. Taking it in advance or from the positive pregnancy test may work better.
EDUCATE
Educate yourself. Educate your family. Educate your friends. Educate your doctor. Educate your community. Educate, educate, educate. I can't stress how important it is. The HER Foundation has fantastic resources in this area. Use them.
Obviously there are about a zillion and one other things you can do as well. I didn't mention a lot of the things on the list at the HER Foundation because - well, why duplicate effort? Each individual will have their own needs as well. The best thing to do is to sit down with your doctor in advance and make an action plan. Of course we all hope that all of this planning will be completely useless because we'll have happy, fluffy, non-HG pregnancies - but we can't count on that happening.
I hope that this list provides at least a springboard for planning for your next HG pregnancy.
Monday, April 16, 2012
No More Milk???
Sadness has come over this household: my milk supply suddenly disappeared. One day we were doing just fine, and the next I'm running on empty. I know that breastfeeding all the way until 18 months is quite an accomplishment and I really am proud of myself, especially seeing how LH thrives on my milk. The thing is, neither of us were ready to give it up quite yet.
It's been a rough few days so far, with no signs of my milk supply returning, despite my best efforts. LH is taking it really hard, and I can't blame the kid. I didn't prepare her for this. It wasn't the gradual, baby-led weaning I was planning on. She just had to quit cold turkey.
And just when I finally got around to converting my regular bras into nursing bras, too...
It's been a rough few days so far, with no signs of my milk supply returning, despite my best efforts. LH is taking it really hard, and I can't blame the kid. I didn't prepare her for this. It wasn't the gradual, baby-led weaning I was planning on. She just had to quit cold turkey.
And just when I finally got around to converting my regular bras into nursing bras, too...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Car Seat Safety
In general I love living in Israel, but I must admit - the driving here is absolutely dreadful. There also seems to be a general disregard for safety (like children riding on motorcycles, use of carseats that are older than I am, children not properly strapped into their seats or not belted at all, etc.). More often than not I see all of these in circumstances when I can't speak up (not that I would have the guts to). It is very frustrating, though, when I see these practices in people close to me.
A couple weeks ago I happened to spend half the day with a family with six children, newborn to 13 years old. The newborn, when she was in her car seat and not on her mother's lap, was not properly strapped in. The next oldest child (2) was also not always strapped in, let alone properly. Is the kid a little fussy? Okay, take him out, give him what he wants.
This is a huge contrast to what we do. Last night N, LH and I were returning from a mini vacation and we got stuck in a major traffic jam, so a car ride that should have taken 2.5 hours turned into 4.5 hours. Of course LH did not appreciate being tethered and unable to wiggle around all that time, but she never left her seat. The most I did was unclip her chest clip so that I could take off her sweatshirt while we were stopped, and then she was clipped right back up. In the middle she very much wanted to nurse - a feat which I accomplished without touching her restraints at all and with a minimal adjustment of my seat belt. I don't care if we were going under 30kph; it's not worth it to risk my child's safety for the sake of comfort.
Obviously there are people out there who disagree with me, and I know exactly how annoying it can be to have a screaming baby in the car because they don't want to be in the car seat. Trust me, if something happened to your babe because you weren't taking the precautions you could have, you would beat yourself up forever that you didn't just suck it up and listen to the screaming for a little bit.
It doesn't matter what our parents or our grandparents did. It doesn't matter that the old car you grew up in didn't even have seat belts in the back seat, or that holding a baby in your lap was the norm. Just because you were never hurt, just because your friend was never hurt, doesn't mean it can't happen. A properly installed, properly used child restraint system saves lives. Don't take the risk. God can only do so much against stupidity. Think of the car seat as the protective hug that you are giving your child while you are driving. Never stop hugging your children.
A couple weeks ago I happened to spend half the day with a family with six children, newborn to 13 years old. The newborn, when she was in her car seat and not on her mother's lap, was not properly strapped in. The next oldest child (2) was also not always strapped in, let alone properly. Is the kid a little fussy? Okay, take him out, give him what he wants.
This is a huge contrast to what we do. Last night N, LH and I were returning from a mini vacation and we got stuck in a major traffic jam, so a car ride that should have taken 2.5 hours turned into 4.5 hours. Of course LH did not appreciate being tethered and unable to wiggle around all that time, but she never left her seat. The most I did was unclip her chest clip so that I could take off her sweatshirt while we were stopped, and then she was clipped right back up. In the middle she very much wanted to nurse - a feat which I accomplished without touching her restraints at all and with a minimal adjustment of my seat belt. I don't care if we were going under 30kph; it's not worth it to risk my child's safety for the sake of comfort.
Obviously there are people out there who disagree with me, and I know exactly how annoying it can be to have a screaming baby in the car because they don't want to be in the car seat. Trust me, if something happened to your babe because you weren't taking the precautions you could have, you would beat yourself up forever that you didn't just suck it up and listen to the screaming for a little bit.
It doesn't matter what our parents or our grandparents did. It doesn't matter that the old car you grew up in didn't even have seat belts in the back seat, or that holding a baby in your lap was the norm. Just because you were never hurt, just because your friend was never hurt, doesn't mean it can't happen. A properly installed, properly used child restraint system saves lives. Don't take the risk. God can only do so much against stupidity. Think of the car seat as the protective hug that you are giving your child while you are driving. Never stop hugging your children.
Starting 'em Young
Everywhere you look these days, you can find articles about how terrible it is that people - especially young girls - are faced with these 'perfect' bodies in the media and expected to look the same. Nevermind that there is heavy use of Photoshop and that many of the models aren't healthy. There is a picture portrayed in the media of the perfect woman and so many people try to become that imaginary woman.
I know that the incidence of eating disorders among young girls and teens has skyrocketed. I mean, why is it that I'm hearing about 8-year-olds battling anorexia? What happened to 8-year-olds dealing with normal issues like how to spell and who to sit next to at lunch? Why are they suddenly obsessed with their bodies from such a young age?
This issue really started to hit home for me when I started seeing more Sesame Street clips on YouTube. Alongside the classic clips preaching tolerance and acceptance no matter race, gender, parental status ("I have one Daddy, I have two"), etc., they now have clips promoting healthy and positive body images for the children. For example, they have a little black Muppet girl singing about how much she loves her hair - how it looks good in cornrows, as an afro, etc. That is the first example that comes to mind, but I have stumbled across several others as well.
I am all about positive messaging in children's programming. After all, what child wouldn't want to brush his teeth after seeing how much fun Elmo has with it, or wouldn't want to try some fruits and veggies after even Cookie Monster advocates for it? I just think it's sad that because of societal pressures for girls to look a certain, unrealistic way, they also need to add songs and themes to try to unbrainwash the kids (or as a preemptive strike against the outside pressures).
This is the world in which I must raise my daughter? Heaven help us.
I know that the incidence of eating disorders among young girls and teens has skyrocketed. I mean, why is it that I'm hearing about 8-year-olds battling anorexia? What happened to 8-year-olds dealing with normal issues like how to spell and who to sit next to at lunch? Why are they suddenly obsessed with their bodies from such a young age?
This issue really started to hit home for me when I started seeing more Sesame Street clips on YouTube. Alongside the classic clips preaching tolerance and acceptance no matter race, gender, parental status ("I have one Daddy, I have two"), etc., they now have clips promoting healthy and positive body images for the children. For example, they have a little black Muppet girl singing about how much she loves her hair - how it looks good in cornrows, as an afro, etc. That is the first example that comes to mind, but I have stumbled across several others as well.
I am all about positive messaging in children's programming. After all, what child wouldn't want to brush his teeth after seeing how much fun Elmo has with it, or wouldn't want to try some fruits and veggies after even Cookie Monster advocates for it? I just think it's sad that because of societal pressures for girls to look a certain, unrealistic way, they also need to add songs and themes to try to unbrainwash the kids (or as a preemptive strike against the outside pressures).
This is the world in which I must raise my daughter? Heaven help us.
A Year of Change
I was recently looking through an album we have, with pictures of me and N from the time we started dating, through our engagement, our wedding, the oh so wonderful pregnancy, and finally the year and a half since our little angel was born. The album begins three years ago, and it is amazing to see how many changes can happen in such a short period of time.
I was particularly struck by the difference between two pictures. The first was taken on Chanukah in 2010, when LH was 2 months old; the second exactly a year later. Of course the babe is completely different, but that's to be expected. What shocked me was the huge difference I saw in myself.
In the 2010 picture, I am very skinny, very pale, and just generally sickly-looking. The 2011 picture looks like a completely different person - healthy, happy, clothes that fit, color in the cheeks, and a good weight for my frame.
As soon as I delivered the placenta, my health took a major turn for the better. In normal illnesses, two months is a long time in terms of healing and getting better and looking healthy. And the funny thing is, I really did look healthy two months later - but only in comparison to how I looked while pregnant. Now, looking back, I can't believe that I thought I looked so much better already. How I look now is how I should always look (although I could do without the bags under the eyes).
Women are always asking when they can expect their body to go back to normal after pregnancy and childbirth, and the usual answer I see is that it took nine months to get that way, so you need to give it nine months to get back to how it was. This was actually quite true for me in many ways, too, although excess weight and a flabby stomach were not my issues.
I didn't return to my pre-pregnancy weight until 10 months postpartum. I only had to gain about five kilo to get there, but between the breastfeeding and the eating issues I was having, each kilo was a huge struggle to get and to keep. Part of it was trying to rebuild my lost muscle mass, while at the same time keeping my activity level relatively low in order to conserve calories. Not an easy balance, I can tell you.
But even from the expression on my face you can tell that my outlook has changed. At two months postpartum, if someone had mentioned to me thoughts of having another baby I probably would have had a panic attack. Now, I am much more emotionally healed and have come to terms with the fact that I want more children = I have to have more pregnancies = I run the risk of HG repeating or even worsening. And you know what? Even though I still have a hard time saying 'yes' when someone asks me if it was all worth it, I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. If there was an easier way to get another little treasure I would take it, but apparently pain and suffering are the way to go.
I was particularly struck by the difference between two pictures. The first was taken on Chanukah in 2010, when LH was 2 months old; the second exactly a year later. Of course the babe is completely different, but that's to be expected. What shocked me was the huge difference I saw in myself.
In the 2010 picture, I am very skinny, very pale, and just generally sickly-looking. The 2011 picture looks like a completely different person - healthy, happy, clothes that fit, color in the cheeks, and a good weight for my frame.
As soon as I delivered the placenta, my health took a major turn for the better. In normal illnesses, two months is a long time in terms of healing and getting better and looking healthy. And the funny thing is, I really did look healthy two months later - but only in comparison to how I looked while pregnant. Now, looking back, I can't believe that I thought I looked so much better already. How I look now is how I should always look (although I could do without the bags under the eyes).
Women are always asking when they can expect their body to go back to normal after pregnancy and childbirth, and the usual answer I see is that it took nine months to get that way, so you need to give it nine months to get back to how it was. This was actually quite true for me in many ways, too, although excess weight and a flabby stomach were not my issues.
I didn't return to my pre-pregnancy weight until 10 months postpartum. I only had to gain about five kilo to get there, but between the breastfeeding and the eating issues I was having, each kilo was a huge struggle to get and to keep. Part of it was trying to rebuild my lost muscle mass, while at the same time keeping my activity level relatively low in order to conserve calories. Not an easy balance, I can tell you.
But even from the expression on my face you can tell that my outlook has changed. At two months postpartum, if someone had mentioned to me thoughts of having another baby I probably would have had a panic attack. Now, I am much more emotionally healed and have come to terms with the fact that I want more children = I have to have more pregnancies = I run the risk of HG repeating or even worsening. And you know what? Even though I still have a hard time saying 'yes' when someone asks me if it was all worth it, I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. If there was an easier way to get another little treasure I would take it, but apparently pain and suffering are the way to go.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Of Questionable Sanity
After going through HG, thoughts of having another child - let alone several more, as we were (and still are) hoping seemed crazy and basically sent me into a panic. Which is why I find myself questioning my sanity since I know have baby fever.
It's amazing how resilient both the human body and the psyche can be. Or maybe how forgetful. Do I not remember the pain and misery? Do I not remember how I couldn't even get out of bed? How am I supposed to do all of that with a toddler underfoot, and in the future more than one older child?
Of course I know the answer already. Yes, I do remember, and that is why I have spent the past year making preparations of mind, body, and house in order to make things go more smoothly. I have a document on my computer of lists of things to do beforehand and during to try to keep things good. I speak with many people about various ideas and options, doctor recommendations, etc.
I still feel pretty insane to be considering this again. Kids must really be something special for a mother to be willing to risk her life (pretty literally, in this case) in order to bring more into the world. I guess I just take the commandment of "be fruitful and multiply" very seriously.
I'll do everything I possibly can to survive. The rest is up to G-d.
It's amazing how resilient both the human body and the psyche can be. Or maybe how forgetful. Do I not remember the pain and misery? Do I not remember how I couldn't even get out of bed? How am I supposed to do all of that with a toddler underfoot, and in the future more than one older child?
Of course I know the answer already. Yes, I do remember, and that is why I have spent the past year making preparations of mind, body, and house in order to make things go more smoothly. I have a document on my computer of lists of things to do beforehand and during to try to keep things good. I speak with many people about various ideas and options, doctor recommendations, etc.
I still feel pretty insane to be considering this again. Kids must really be something special for a mother to be willing to risk her life (pretty literally, in this case) in order to bring more into the world. I guess I just take the commandment of "be fruitful and multiply" very seriously.
I'll do everything I possibly can to survive. The rest is up to G-d.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Friends vs. Children
I got a little bit of a lecture today from a friend who was telling me that some people (in her eyes, most people except for me) make sure to make time for friends and put their friends first. They force their babies to be okay with taking a bottle so that they can go out whenever they want. Either the baby takes the bottle or the baby goes hungry, end of story.
How did this all come about? We are a group of four friends who met in university and have kept in touch. We try to get together every so often to catch up and whatnot, but since we live in two (soon to be three) separate cities and we all have different work/school schedules and three of us have babies, things don't always work out.
Getting together with them is always nice, but it's such a headache to go back and forth until we finally agree on a time and place. Basically, as nice as it is, these get-togethers are usually very stressful for various reasons.
So to cut a long story short, we were planning on getting together on Monday this week and then that didn't work out for various reasons. So then it was changed to Wednesday evening - in a different city. First I was made to feel bad by one of them for saying that I can't go because I have to work so that we can put food on the table. Can't I change it? Why no, I can't. It is the night before and the plans still aren't fully finalized. I can't just take off work on a whim. If I go to this play date then I'll be losing out on around $50 - and that's quite a lot.
Then, in speaking with another friend, I happened to mention that anyways I couldn't go because it was too late in the day and would conflict with bedtime. That's when I started getting the lecture on putting myself first and how I made a mistake in not making L.H. take a bottle and how I made a mistake in nursing her to sleep more often than not. "Oh, not to say that your parenting is wrong, or anything." Yeah, right.
I will concede that sometimes having a baby who is tied to you is not the most convenient thing. However, I still wouldn't change the way I have done things. As far as I'm concerned, if a breastfeeding mother has the opportunity (in our case, necessity) to stay home with her child, then there is really no reason to give the baby a bottle. She wants it straight from the source - and I can't blame her. Mind you, for the first 7 months of her life I was still in school and of course I always left bottles for her when I was in class, but mostly she would just drink enough to take the edge off her hunger and wait for me. She clearly was unhappy with bottles so since I wasn't working outside the home I saw no reason to push the issue.
Does this sometimes limit me? Sure, but I think it's in a good way. Yes, it's nice to get out with friends every now and then. But you know what? I'm so tired by the end of the day that I anyways am not interested in going out in the evening. Getting home at 10 is late for me and aside from the fact that N. most decidedly can't give L.H. her bedtime nursing, bedtime is one of those sweet moments of the day that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Sure, I frequently gripe about it and ask N. why he can't just put her to sleep. But then when L.H. and I are laying there side by side and she's snuggling into me or she suddenly pops up on hands and knees to smother my face with kisses - well, those moments are priceless. She will only be this small once. I don't want to just go out and do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it because it would be a missed opportunity to have that wonderful quiet time with the babe - the time that allows both of us to sort of de-stress at the end of a long day.
Friends are important - very important - and always will be. But when seeing them comes with so much stress and at such a high (to me) cost - well, I'd rather stay home for cuddles. :)
How did this all come about? We are a group of four friends who met in university and have kept in touch. We try to get together every so often to catch up and whatnot, but since we live in two (soon to be three) separate cities and we all have different work/school schedules and three of us have babies, things don't always work out.
Getting together with them is always nice, but it's such a headache to go back and forth until we finally agree on a time and place. Basically, as nice as it is, these get-togethers are usually very stressful for various reasons.
So to cut a long story short, we were planning on getting together on Monday this week and then that didn't work out for various reasons. So then it was changed to Wednesday evening - in a different city. First I was made to feel bad by one of them for saying that I can't go because I have to work so that we can put food on the table. Can't I change it? Why no, I can't. It is the night before and the plans still aren't fully finalized. I can't just take off work on a whim. If I go to this play date then I'll be losing out on around $50 - and that's quite a lot.
Then, in speaking with another friend, I happened to mention that anyways I couldn't go because it was too late in the day and would conflict with bedtime. That's when I started getting the lecture on putting myself first and how I made a mistake in not making L.H. take a bottle and how I made a mistake in nursing her to sleep more often than not. "Oh, not to say that your parenting is wrong, or anything." Yeah, right.
I will concede that sometimes having a baby who is tied to you is not the most convenient thing. However, I still wouldn't change the way I have done things. As far as I'm concerned, if a breastfeeding mother has the opportunity (in our case, necessity) to stay home with her child, then there is really no reason to give the baby a bottle. She wants it straight from the source - and I can't blame her. Mind you, for the first 7 months of her life I was still in school and of course I always left bottles for her when I was in class, but mostly she would just drink enough to take the edge off her hunger and wait for me. She clearly was unhappy with bottles so since I wasn't working outside the home I saw no reason to push the issue.
Does this sometimes limit me? Sure, but I think it's in a good way. Yes, it's nice to get out with friends every now and then. But you know what? I'm so tired by the end of the day that I anyways am not interested in going out in the evening. Getting home at 10 is late for me and aside from the fact that N. most decidedly can't give L.H. her bedtime nursing, bedtime is one of those sweet moments of the day that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Sure, I frequently gripe about it and ask N. why he can't just put her to sleep. But then when L.H. and I are laying there side by side and she's snuggling into me or she suddenly pops up on hands and knees to smother my face with kisses - well, those moments are priceless. She will only be this small once. I don't want to just go out and do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it because it would be a missed opportunity to have that wonderful quiet time with the babe - the time that allows both of us to sort of de-stress at the end of a long day.
Friends are important - very important - and always will be. But when seeing them comes with so much stress and at such a high (to me) cost - well, I'd rather stay home for cuddles. :)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Mommy award
As I lay awake in L.H.'s bed last night, trying to convince her that she really did want to sleep there and not in my bed, I was thinking: all mommies should get an award and reward at the end of each day. I know, I know, the wonderfulness that is children is our reward. But seriously, we work hard.
It doesn't matter whether you stay home with the kids or work outside of the home; whether you have one kids or many; whether you are a single parent or you have a partner. It also doesn't matter if it was a day where you had to spend the entire time with your cranky little one or a day when you played with the babe, cleaned the bathrooms, did three loads of laundry, cooked healthy food for the family, cleaned the kitchen, changed two poopy diapers, and fished five toys out of the toilet. Both of those days are equally challenging and exhausting in their own way.
I recently saw an article that went through what a typical stay-at-home mom does every week and tallied up how much money she would make for each of the marketable skills she does (kissing away boo-boos isn't on the list, unfortunately). You know what the total was? Nearly $100,000. Man, do you know how many years it will take me to earn that much at my current job?
A friend of mine several months ago told me that I don't know anything about working and having a babe and that I've never had a 'real' job so how can I know how it is? Sorry to break it to you, dear friend, but I have had many different jobs since the age of 15. I don't know what you count as a 'real' job, but just because my job is at home instead of in an office doesn't mean that it's not real. In order to do my job, I sacrifice all the personal time I would otherwise get (as well as a clean house). Baby's asleep? Want to take a shower? Nope, you've got to go work. Why waste precious time when you so desperately need the income?
Unfortunately, real life doesn't just hand out awards like that. Out of the millions and millions of hardworking mothers in this world, how many of them actually get mommy awards on a regular basis? And why, oh why did I move to a country that doesn't celebrate Mother's Day?
It doesn't matter whether you stay home with the kids or work outside of the home; whether you have one kids or many; whether you are a single parent or you have a partner. It also doesn't matter if it was a day where you had to spend the entire time with your cranky little one or a day when you played with the babe, cleaned the bathrooms, did three loads of laundry, cooked healthy food for the family, cleaned the kitchen, changed two poopy diapers, and fished five toys out of the toilet. Both of those days are equally challenging and exhausting in their own way.
I recently saw an article that went through what a typical stay-at-home mom does every week and tallied up how much money she would make for each of the marketable skills she does (kissing away boo-boos isn't on the list, unfortunately). You know what the total was? Nearly $100,000. Man, do you know how many years it will take me to earn that much at my current job?
A friend of mine several months ago told me that I don't know anything about working and having a babe and that I've never had a 'real' job so how can I know how it is? Sorry to break it to you, dear friend, but I have had many different jobs since the age of 15. I don't know what you count as a 'real' job, but just because my job is at home instead of in an office doesn't mean that it's not real. In order to do my job, I sacrifice all the personal time I would otherwise get (as well as a clean house). Baby's asleep? Want to take a shower? Nope, you've got to go work. Why waste precious time when you so desperately need the income?
Unfortunately, real life doesn't just hand out awards like that. Out of the millions and millions of hardworking mothers in this world, how many of them actually get mommy awards on a regular basis? And why, oh why did I move to a country that doesn't celebrate Mother's Day?
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Co-sleeping: the end
Before L.H. was born, I thought that I wouldn't co-sleep. To be honest, the idea of it kind of scared me. What if I rolled over on her? What if she fell out? What if, what if, what if. Then she was born and things changed. She slept mostly in her crib for a few weeks, I think (my memory is kind of foggy) until we mastered nursing laying down and I discovered that the only way I actually got any sleep was by keeping her with me. I also discovered that what 'they' say is true - my own sleep patterns changed, I completely stopped moving in my sleep, and I was super aware of the babe nestled by my side. N. could be making noise downstairs and I would never no, but the slightest little sigh from L.H. woke me.
From one side of the family we had people who were very against it and kept trying to talk us out of it (actually, they still do, and have already voiced opinions about the next baby's sleeping arrangements) and on the other side we had former co-sleepers who were very supportive of whatever decisions we decided to make and offered tips for any situation.
And so L.H. shared my bed for 15 months. I must say, waking up to that precious face every morning is unbeatable. Nowadays she pats my face and smothers me with kisses to let me know that it's time to get up in the morning. Not to mention that if I'm ever worried about her - or even if I'm not - she's right there and I can hear her steady breathing and feel her little fit wiggling around.
All good things must come to an end, however. She is huge and my bed is small and I miss being able to sleep in comfortable positions without worrying about squishing the babe. I'm also hoping that if she's not right next to me she won't smell my milk and will sleep more consecutive hours, thus affording me more sleep as well.
It is with mixed feelings that I make this transition. On the one hand the time has come and I know that she has to grow up eventually, not to mention that at some point there will be another baby who will sleep with me. On the other hand, I don't want her to grow up and me say that I didn't cuddle her enough. Not likely, I know, but still.
I am sure that there will still be many nights where we will find a little body mysteriously crawling into bed to look for comfort or a nursing or warmth, but it won't be the same. Our little baby isn't so little anymore, and we have to accept that. Right, Ima? :)
From one side of the family we had people who were very against it and kept trying to talk us out of it (actually, they still do, and have already voiced opinions about the next baby's sleeping arrangements) and on the other side we had former co-sleepers who were very supportive of whatever decisions we decided to make and offered tips for any situation.
And so L.H. shared my bed for 15 months. I must say, waking up to that precious face every morning is unbeatable. Nowadays she pats my face and smothers me with kisses to let me know that it's time to get up in the morning. Not to mention that if I'm ever worried about her - or even if I'm not - she's right there and I can hear her steady breathing and feel her little fit wiggling around.
All good things must come to an end, however. She is huge and my bed is small and I miss being able to sleep in comfortable positions without worrying about squishing the babe. I'm also hoping that if she's not right next to me she won't smell my milk and will sleep more consecutive hours, thus affording me more sleep as well.
It is with mixed feelings that I make this transition. On the one hand the time has come and I know that she has to grow up eventually, not to mention that at some point there will be another baby who will sleep with me. On the other hand, I don't want her to grow up and me say that I didn't cuddle her enough. Not likely, I know, but still.
I am sure that there will still be many nights where we will find a little body mysteriously crawling into bed to look for comfort or a nursing or warmth, but it won't be the same. Our little baby isn't so little anymore, and we have to accept that. Right, Ima? :)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Where to live?
It's amazing how hyperemesis can wind up effecting your life in ways that you would never have considered. I am no longer pregnant/not yet pregnant again, and yet I find myself planning my life around my next pregnancy. I am gaining a few extra kilo, I am planning ways of arranging the house, thinking ahead to what special toys/games/treats I can have on hand for an active toddler on my bad days.
And I'm choosing a place to live. The city we live in now is not one that we particularly care for, but it is right next to the university where I learned and where N. is finishing up his degree at this year. We are living here out of convenience, and already from the beginning of our marriage we agreed that this wasn't long-term and we would move away as soon as his degree was finished.
We wanted to move to a small community (100-500 families small), and even researched several different options. We are limited by several factors such as cost, public transportation (can't afford a car), availability, etc. And then it hit me: we're planning on having more kids. This means that I'm planning to be pregnant, and that in turn means that we need to live near a hospital so that when I get dehydrated I can get the help I need without an hour's nauseating drive into the city.
Now our options are very limited, especially given that Israel doesn't exactly have hospitals on every street corner. Heck, not even every city has one. So suddenly, instead of looking at small communities like we wanted, we are back to looking at cities or smaller towns that are next to a big city.
While I am a city girl by birth, I really like the idea of a smaller setting to raise my children in. There are many bad things that come with living in a city. Unfortunately, they are also very convenient in many ways and offer by far the better medical care.
It is very frustrating that the HG rules our lives so much that it is now dictating where we can and cannot live. How is that fair? Why can't I have my dream place to live and also my dream of having more than one child? Why do I have to give up one for the other? Obviously children will always come first, no matter what the decision is, but I can always wish for the other.
I never would have thought the HG would dominate my life to this extent. It seems as if I will never be free of it and its long-reaching effects.
And I'm choosing a place to live. The city we live in now is not one that we particularly care for, but it is right next to the university where I learned and where N. is finishing up his degree at this year. We are living here out of convenience, and already from the beginning of our marriage we agreed that this wasn't long-term and we would move away as soon as his degree was finished.
We wanted to move to a small community (100-500 families small), and even researched several different options. We are limited by several factors such as cost, public transportation (can't afford a car), availability, etc. And then it hit me: we're planning on having more kids. This means that I'm planning to be pregnant, and that in turn means that we need to live near a hospital so that when I get dehydrated I can get the help I need without an hour's nauseating drive into the city.
Now our options are very limited, especially given that Israel doesn't exactly have hospitals on every street corner. Heck, not even every city has one. So suddenly, instead of looking at small communities like we wanted, we are back to looking at cities or smaller towns that are next to a big city.
While I am a city girl by birth, I really like the idea of a smaller setting to raise my children in. There are many bad things that come with living in a city. Unfortunately, they are also very convenient in many ways and offer by far the better medical care.
It is very frustrating that the HG rules our lives so much that it is now dictating where we can and cannot live. How is that fair? Why can't I have my dream place to live and also my dream of having more than one child? Why do I have to give up one for the other? Obviously children will always come first, no matter what the decision is, but I can always wish for the other.
I never would have thought the HG would dominate my life to this extent. It seems as if I will never be free of it and its long-reaching effects.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Clothes are overrated
You know those special moments with your children, like a big good morning kiss out of the blue or the way that their little faces light up when you come home at the end of the day? How about the moment when you open the bedroom door that your toddler is resolutely pounding on only to discover a stark naked child who is very pleased with herself for having gotten to said nudity?
That's right, we have a nudist on our hands. I think that every child (and probably most adults, too) has an inner nudist, but at this age it's still acceptable. L.H. is so committed to disrobing that we have instituted nakey-time every night before changing into pajamas, just so that she can get it out of her system. The biggest giggles of the day come from these 5-10 minutes of freedom.
There's one thing I really don't understand, though - doesn't she get cold? I know that we live in a relatively warm area, but our apartment seems to trap the cold and it is frequently colder inside than outside. During the winter I always dread changing into or out of pajamas or taking a shower, simply because I get so cold. And yet I can barely get my little girl to put on her clothing to begin with.
I guess that there are some things in life that are just worth it. I'll accept being cold because in return I get to be naked. I'll accept having piles of dirty laundry on the couch because in return I get a happy husband. I'll accept the crazy bureaucracies of this country because in return I get to live in the land that I love.
All of life is give and take; sometimes it's just not readily apparent.
That's right, we have a nudist on our hands. I think that every child (and probably most adults, too) has an inner nudist, but at this age it's still acceptable. L.H. is so committed to disrobing that we have instituted nakey-time every night before changing into pajamas, just so that she can get it out of her system. The biggest giggles of the day come from these 5-10 minutes of freedom.
There's one thing I really don't understand, though - doesn't she get cold? I know that we live in a relatively warm area, but our apartment seems to trap the cold and it is frequently colder inside than outside. During the winter I always dread changing into or out of pajamas or taking a shower, simply because I get so cold. And yet I can barely get my little girl to put on her clothing to begin with.
I guess that there are some things in life that are just worth it. I'll accept being cold because in return I get to be naked. I'll accept having piles of dirty laundry on the couch because in return I get a happy husband. I'll accept the crazy bureaucracies of this country because in return I get to live in the land that I love.
All of life is give and take; sometimes it's just not readily apparent.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Friends no more
Sometimes life throws tough decisions at you, and you have to learn how to live with it - whether you decide right or wrong, one thing or another, you have to live with your decision.
I find that I actually have a harder time making small decisions than big ones. It takes me longer to decide what to eat for lunch than it did for me to decide to move to Israel. I think that part of that is because the little decisions don't really matter and you can change them anytime without a problem. The big decisions, though, can cause you to lose a lot of sleep and it's better to just lay out all of the pros and cons and make a swift choice so that you aren't stuck wrestling with yourself forever.
One of my hardest decisions, though, was to cut someone out of my life. I had a friend who I liked very much, but I felt that she was being a bad influence on me. Not bad in terms of drugs, alcohol, illegal activity, etc. Just bad in terms of negativity and questioning my relationship with my husband.
I don't have so many friends that losing one doesn't hurt. Even now, nearly a year later, there are times when I consider picking up the phone and just calling her, just to say hi and chat and see how things are going. But I know that I have gone down the road in another direction, and going back won't bring me anything good.
It's not often that I actively decide whether to keep a friend or not. Sometimes people sort of drift in and out of your life - or just drift out - and it's called moving on. People fall in and out of friends all the time. I guess what hurts is that it wasn't a natural progression of events; it was a targeted move on my part for us to be separate. A friend becomes a little part of you, and to surgically remove that part isn't always so easy.
I find that I actually have a harder time making small decisions than big ones. It takes me longer to decide what to eat for lunch than it did for me to decide to move to Israel. I think that part of that is because the little decisions don't really matter and you can change them anytime without a problem. The big decisions, though, can cause you to lose a lot of sleep and it's better to just lay out all of the pros and cons and make a swift choice so that you aren't stuck wrestling with yourself forever.
One of my hardest decisions, though, was to cut someone out of my life. I had a friend who I liked very much, but I felt that she was being a bad influence on me. Not bad in terms of drugs, alcohol, illegal activity, etc. Just bad in terms of negativity and questioning my relationship with my husband.
I don't have so many friends that losing one doesn't hurt. Even now, nearly a year later, there are times when I consider picking up the phone and just calling her, just to say hi and chat and see how things are going. But I know that I have gone down the road in another direction, and going back won't bring me anything good.
It's not often that I actively decide whether to keep a friend or not. Sometimes people sort of drift in and out of your life - or just drift out - and it's called moving on. People fall in and out of friends all the time. I guess what hurts is that it wasn't a natural progression of events; it was a targeted move on my part for us to be separate. A friend becomes a little part of you, and to surgically remove that part isn't always so easy.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
How NOT to save a life
I love swimming. For as long as I can remember, I just loved getting into the water and gliding around like a fish. My parents sent me to swimming lessons from an early age, and I actually continued on with them all the way until I got my lifeguard training in high school.
I excelled in my training and passed all the tests with flying colors. It's the things that weren't part of the training but happened anyways that really stick out in my mind, though. Of course I still retain all of the First Aid and CPR knowledge and how to rescue a drowning person without inadvertently killing them, but that wasn't all.
My most vivid memory from during the training is from one Sunday afternoon while we were practicing drowning and saving in the deep end of the pool. I usually tried to avoid playing the drowning person because I didn't actually trust all of my classmates to save me properly. In fact, one time I wound up having to save myself because the other girl was just taking too long. After all, I didn't want to actually drown.
At any rate, our instructor wasn't in the pool with us that day because she was having sinus problems. There were little kids having swimming lessons in the shallow end, and one group of them was in water around 4.5 feet deep. There was this big plastic bench a few feet away from where they were clinging to the wall for them to stand on when they got out there.
My teacher was walking along the side of the pool, fully dressed, when she noticed on of the boys slip under while the lifeguard was helping another child. So being the good rescuer that she is, she dove right into the pool to save him - and bashed her head against the plastic bench. Moments later the lifeguard saved this poor, disoriented instructor, after she had plucked the boy out of the water (he was totally fine, by the way). My instructor, however, was not. In addition to being sopping wet in her regular clothing in Chicago in February, she managed to get herself a concussion. We taught ourselves for the rest of the day.
Aside from the lessons that can be gleaned from this on how NOT to save a drowning person, I think that the more important lesson is simply - look before you leap. Not just when you are diving into the shallow end of a swimming pool, but with everything in life. If you make a hasty decision, you could wind up with a nasty smack on the head. If you take even just three seconds (in the case of my teacher) or a few minutes or a few days in other cases to assess the situation and think things over, then you can avoid that plastic bench altogether and save the drowning kid in the process.
I excelled in my training and passed all the tests with flying colors. It's the things that weren't part of the training but happened anyways that really stick out in my mind, though. Of course I still retain all of the First Aid and CPR knowledge and how to rescue a drowning person without inadvertently killing them, but that wasn't all.
My most vivid memory from during the training is from one Sunday afternoon while we were practicing drowning and saving in the deep end of the pool. I usually tried to avoid playing the drowning person because I didn't actually trust all of my classmates to save me properly. In fact, one time I wound up having to save myself because the other girl was just taking too long. After all, I didn't want to actually drown.
At any rate, our instructor wasn't in the pool with us that day because she was having sinus problems. There were little kids having swimming lessons in the shallow end, and one group of them was in water around 4.5 feet deep. There was this big plastic bench a few feet away from where they were clinging to the wall for them to stand on when they got out there.
My teacher was walking along the side of the pool, fully dressed, when she noticed on of the boys slip under while the lifeguard was helping another child. So being the good rescuer that she is, she dove right into the pool to save him - and bashed her head against the plastic bench. Moments later the lifeguard saved this poor, disoriented instructor, after she had plucked the boy out of the water (he was totally fine, by the way). My instructor, however, was not. In addition to being sopping wet in her regular clothing in Chicago in February, she managed to get herself a concussion. We taught ourselves for the rest of the day.
Aside from the lessons that can be gleaned from this on how NOT to save a drowning person, I think that the more important lesson is simply - look before you leap. Not just when you are diving into the shallow end of a swimming pool, but with everything in life. If you make a hasty decision, you could wind up with a nasty smack on the head. If you take even just three seconds (in the case of my teacher) or a few minutes or a few days in other cases to assess the situation and think things over, then you can avoid that plastic bench altogether and save the drowning kid in the process.
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