Just a warning to anyone currently pregnant: *foodments*
Now that that's out of the way...recovery this time is SO MUCH EASIER than last time. I think that there are a lot of factors involved, which I may or may not get into at some point, but I'm just so relieved that things are going much more smoothly. Physically I'm in a good place, health-wise I'm doing great, and mentally and emotionally I'm also doing really, really well. After my first birth things were kind of dark there for a while until I figured out that I had PTSD, and then I was able to start healing. This time I feel that there isn't as much healing to do, largely due to the support that I know I have and to the significantly better care that I had.
I'm sure that it also helps that I'm way too busy to actually think about things. NM lost his job five days after I gave birth, and since we're just barely getting by and don't have any savings for a rainy day (because if we were setting aside for savings then we wouldn't be getting by) - I returned to work at 2.5 weeks postpartum. This isn't really as scary as it sounds; I work from home to begin with. I could do without the added stress, but on the other hand it gives me an outlet to just be me and not the milk machine and cuddler and diaper changer that my kids think I am. My job is really fascinating...most of the time, and I'm very good at it. It's nice to be able to sit down and work, do something for myself intellectually while also supporting my family.
Now here's my really big struggle this time: I don't know what normal eating looks like. I feel like I'm always eating these days, and yes, I know that breastfeeding mothers need extra calories and shouldn't be on any sort of diet. But I just feel like I'm eating SO MUCH. But is it really a lot of food and maybe too much, or is it just so much more than I was able to eat while pregnant?
Ever since my first pregnancy in 2010, I never eat until I have that 'full' feeling. I eat until I am relatively satisfied and call it done. Why? Well originally it was because eating until I was full would make me nauseous and I was terrified of losing my meal because...well...you know why. Did more than enough of that.
Now I find myself wondering if eating until I'm full will actually make me nauseous, or if I just think it will and am too scared to find out. Either way, I have completely no clue whatsoever as to what on earth a normal portion size is and I can't for the life of me estimate how much food I'm supposed to be eating. I'm considering seeing a dietician simply to get the answers to those questions, because I'm feeling a bit lost here.
In the meantime, I eat whatever I want, whenever I want it. Since I did actually gain weight this time around, I could afford to lose up to 5 kg but am not yet doing anything actively to shed that weight. I just don't want to be gaining weight, so I guess that as long as I'm keeping it steady I won't worry too much about things.
But do you know the one worst thing about such an easy recovery? It makes me forget how awful things were, and I would totally be stupid enough to do this all again. So far I have given two complete pregnancies to HG, plus I didn't get back to myself until my daughter was 14 months old. That's basically three years of my life that HG has stolen from me already - and since we're still a month-and-a-half away from our fourth wedding anniversary, that's almost our entire marriage that has been screwed up by HG.
*Sigh* At least I know that a good recovery is possible.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
HG Vanquished
It's been a LONG time since I wrote anything. I just couldn't deal with keeping this blog updated...not that I have a particularly large readership to begin with. :)
Baby Boy (AA) has arrived, finally, after nine VERY long months. He is now three weeks old and what can I say - we're in love. :) Big sister LH will be turning three later this month. It's hard to believe that I was stupid enough to do this twice in the span of three years, but hey - sometimes man plans and God laughs, and let's just leave it at that.
Overall, I would have to say that my pregnancy with AA was easier than with LH. For starts, this time we knew what we were dealing with and we knew what treatment to demand. I was on zofran from around 5 weeks this time, versus last time where I didn't get it until second trimester. Second trimester, can you believe???
I lost the same amount of weight with AA as with LH (10 kg), but I started out 2 kg heavier this time around so while I was much skinnier than I should have been, I wasn't actually as horribly ill-looking as last time. Also, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles - I actually gained weight beyond my pre-pregnancy weight! After about 20 weeks I started to gain weight and managed to gain not only the 10 kg I had lost, but an additional 7 beyond that. That means that after I gave birth, I was just 1-2 kg above my pre-pregnancy weight and that's where I'm holding.
My recovery from this pregnancy is about a zillion times better and easier than in my first pregnancy. Part of it is the better medical care, part of it is knowing what the heck is going on, part of it is being much better at asking for help and making myself take it easy. A big part of it is the fantastic birth that I had with this one. For a quick overview of my two births, and why this recovery is so much better:
LH - labor was a total of 9.5 hours. All natural birth; got to the hospital about three hours before the birth. Went from 4 cm to birth in around an hour or so. Even though she was small (2.948 kg, or around 6lbs8oz), I had some pretty significant tearing and the lovely stitches and more difficult recovery that goes along with that. Not to mention that I was not in good health at the time of her birth due to the HG, and I was suffering from PTSD.
AA - labor was a total of 2 hours 50 minutes. Yes, you read that correctly. I woke up at 12:47 AM with a strong contraction. The next one was seven minutes later...next seven minutes later...then six minutes...then five...then we hopped in a cab to the hospital. It's about a 10 minute drive and by the time we got there, I was contracting every two minutes. Of course the first thing they did at the hospital was lay me flat on my back and strap me to a monitor, after so helpfully informing me that I was only 3 cm. I felt like I was dying and pretty quickly changed my mind about wanting an epidural. So they sent me to L&D (had been in triage). They were really hopping that night with women giving birth, so we had a midwife with us but no nurse or doctor in sight. Basically, she told me that the anesthesiologist was busy with another woman at the time but that she thought I was moving too quickly to be able to get an epidural. Each time she checked me (at close intervals) I was a centimeter further along. Finally when I was 7 cm, she told me that she thought if she broke my water, I would give birth. While I didn't really want unnecessary interventions, I just wanted the pain to end so I gave her permission. She broke my water and I had an immediate feeling of relief...until my body starting pushing! Needless to say, she was right. She broke my water and five minutes later I was holding my son. He was 3.565 kg (a coupld of ounces shy of 8 lbs), with a much bigger head than his sister, and I had absolutely NO tearing (even though I felt like I was being ripped open while pushing him out). Fast, intense birth + no stitches = significantly better recovery. Not to mention that I was in better health to begin with.
At any rate, I find it very interesting to take a look at my toenails. You can clearly see where my health was bad and I was malnourished, and where it got better. I like the smooth nail part where it got better; but the not-nice-looking nail part legitimizes for me how sick I was. I mean, it's not that easy to mess up your nails like that through normal fluctuations in diet. But what I was experiencing was NOT a normal fluctuation, or a small fluctuation like an acute illness. It was honest to goodness malnutrition.
I suffered from PTSD after my pregnancy with LH, but I honestly don't think I'll have a problem this time. Physically, mentally, and emotionally I just feel so good. I have to attribute a lot of that to the better support network I had this time. As much as I may not see eye-to-eye with my in-laws all the time, they really helped out a lot. They took care of LH when I couldn't, drove me to and from hospital/urgent care/doctor's appointments, and we actually lived by them for a full month when I was at my worst. They were a steady item in her life when everything else was topsy-turvy.
I can't not mention KT, a very dear friend with the biggest heart in the world. We first 'met' online while she was in the midst of her second HG pregnancy and was reaching out for support. I feel blessed that I was able to help her when she needed it...and she has repaid that a thousandfold. I can't even begin to list the things she has done for us, but let's just say she is awesome awesome awesome.
Of course I couldn't have done it without my husband, NM. Between his full-time job and running out household during that time, he most certainly had his hands full and he came through it much better this second time around.
The other friends and family who helped out, supported, gave LH some sense of normalcy, tried to do everything they could to help me feel better...what can I say, it makes all the difference.
And of course, my mother arrived two days before the birth and the help and support she provided in the three weeks total that she was here were invaluable. It was so good to be able to just take it easy and not have to worry about things like cooking and housework while I started to recover.
Baby Boy (AA) has arrived, finally, after nine VERY long months. He is now three weeks old and what can I say - we're in love. :) Big sister LH will be turning three later this month. It's hard to believe that I was stupid enough to do this twice in the span of three years, but hey - sometimes man plans and God laughs, and let's just leave it at that.
Overall, I would have to say that my pregnancy with AA was easier than with LH. For starts, this time we knew what we were dealing with and we knew what treatment to demand. I was on zofran from around 5 weeks this time, versus last time where I didn't get it until second trimester. Second trimester, can you believe???
I lost the same amount of weight with AA as with LH (10 kg), but I started out 2 kg heavier this time around so while I was much skinnier than I should have been, I wasn't actually as horribly ill-looking as last time. Also, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles - I actually gained weight beyond my pre-pregnancy weight! After about 20 weeks I started to gain weight and managed to gain not only the 10 kg I had lost, but an additional 7 beyond that. That means that after I gave birth, I was just 1-2 kg above my pre-pregnancy weight and that's where I'm holding.
My recovery from this pregnancy is about a zillion times better and easier than in my first pregnancy. Part of it is the better medical care, part of it is knowing what the heck is going on, part of it is being much better at asking for help and making myself take it easy. A big part of it is the fantastic birth that I had with this one. For a quick overview of my two births, and why this recovery is so much better:
LH - labor was a total of 9.5 hours. All natural birth; got to the hospital about three hours before the birth. Went from 4 cm to birth in around an hour or so. Even though she was small (2.948 kg, or around 6lbs8oz), I had some pretty significant tearing and the lovely stitches and more difficult recovery that goes along with that. Not to mention that I was not in good health at the time of her birth due to the HG, and I was suffering from PTSD.
AA - labor was a total of 2 hours 50 minutes. Yes, you read that correctly. I woke up at 12:47 AM with a strong contraction. The next one was seven minutes later...next seven minutes later...then six minutes...then five...then we hopped in a cab to the hospital. It's about a 10 minute drive and by the time we got there, I was contracting every two minutes. Of course the first thing they did at the hospital was lay me flat on my back and strap me to a monitor, after so helpfully informing me that I was only 3 cm. I felt like I was dying and pretty quickly changed my mind about wanting an epidural. So they sent me to L&D (had been in triage). They were really hopping that night with women giving birth, so we had a midwife with us but no nurse or doctor in sight. Basically, she told me that the anesthesiologist was busy with another woman at the time but that she thought I was moving too quickly to be able to get an epidural. Each time she checked me (at close intervals) I was a centimeter further along. Finally when I was 7 cm, she told me that she thought if she broke my water, I would give birth. While I didn't really want unnecessary interventions, I just wanted the pain to end so I gave her permission. She broke my water and I had an immediate feeling of relief...until my body starting pushing! Needless to say, she was right. She broke my water and five minutes later I was holding my son. He was 3.565 kg (a coupld of ounces shy of 8 lbs), with a much bigger head than his sister, and I had absolutely NO tearing (even though I felt like I was being ripped open while pushing him out). Fast, intense birth + no stitches = significantly better recovery. Not to mention that I was in better health to begin with.
At any rate, I find it very interesting to take a look at my toenails. You can clearly see where my health was bad and I was malnourished, and where it got better. I like the smooth nail part where it got better; but the not-nice-looking nail part legitimizes for me how sick I was. I mean, it's not that easy to mess up your nails like that through normal fluctuations in diet. But what I was experiencing was NOT a normal fluctuation, or a small fluctuation like an acute illness. It was honest to goodness malnutrition.
I suffered from PTSD after my pregnancy with LH, but I honestly don't think I'll have a problem this time. Physically, mentally, and emotionally I just feel so good. I have to attribute a lot of that to the better support network I had this time. As much as I may not see eye-to-eye with my in-laws all the time, they really helped out a lot. They took care of LH when I couldn't, drove me to and from hospital/urgent care/doctor's appointments, and we actually lived by them for a full month when I was at my worst. They were a steady item in her life when everything else was topsy-turvy.
I can't not mention KT, a very dear friend with the biggest heart in the world. We first 'met' online while she was in the midst of her second HG pregnancy and was reaching out for support. I feel blessed that I was able to help her when she needed it...and she has repaid that a thousandfold. I can't even begin to list the things she has done for us, but let's just say she is awesome awesome awesome.
Of course I couldn't have done it without my husband, NM. Between his full-time job and running out household during that time, he most certainly had his hands full and he came through it much better this second time around.
The other friends and family who helped out, supported, gave LH some sense of normalcy, tried to do everything they could to help me feel better...what can I say, it makes all the difference.
And of course, my mother arrived two days before the birth and the help and support she provided in the three weeks total that she was here were invaluable. It was so good to be able to just take it easy and not have to worry about things like cooking and housework while I started to recover.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
24 weeks, yay viability!
Well I'm 24 weeks today. For all you HGers out there, you know how important this milestone is: viability. All of the suffering, all of the misery, and if something goes wrong now - there's still a chance that you can get a live, healthy baby out of it. So yay.
At any rate, I'm actually doing fantastically well. I make a poor excuse for a woman with hyperemesis at this point. :) It just goes to show that if you get proper medical care from the beginning and if you know to fight for what you need, then things can go a lot better.
I'm rapidly gaining weight (I expect to return to my pre-pregnancy weight within the next few weeks), I'm regaining lost muscle (catching up on five months of housework will do that), and I'm able to be more active in my daughter's life. Although I still have to be careful about what I can eat, I CAN EAT. Yesterday my husband was standing there looking at me devouring a small plate of food and he told me how much he loves seeing me eat. I love it too, as does the fetus. :)
My tummy is still teeny-tiny, but I'm pretty sure that I just carry small no matter how the pregnancy is going. We had an anatomy scan two weeks ago that showed a perfectly healthy child with long arms, long legs, and HUGE feet. Seriously, huge is not an exaggeration here. The feet were 4.5 cm long at 22 weeks gestation. Now pull out a ruler and see how big that is. Keep in mind that the baby was probably about the length of an ear of corn at the time, so now think about that proportionately. Huge. Feet.
I'm daring to hope at this point that I am completely past everything and that there is no looking back from here, but I know that I may get sick again as the pregnancy progresses. For the moment, though, despite the limitations and the issues that I still have, I am going to wholeheartedly pretend that I am having a fluffy pregnancy. I always wanted one of those. :)
On a sad note, I am praying for all those who were in the tornado's path in Oklahoma earlier this week, for those who lost their lives, those who lost loved ones, those who were injured, and those who came through unscathed but without a single piece of clothing to their name except the shirt they escaped in. I can't imagine what the parents of those nine little angels are going through right now. I hope that they are able to find some peace and comfort down the line.
At any rate, I'm actually doing fantastically well. I make a poor excuse for a woman with hyperemesis at this point. :) It just goes to show that if you get proper medical care from the beginning and if you know to fight for what you need, then things can go a lot better.
I'm rapidly gaining weight (I expect to return to my pre-pregnancy weight within the next few weeks), I'm regaining lost muscle (catching up on five months of housework will do that), and I'm able to be more active in my daughter's life. Although I still have to be careful about what I can eat, I CAN EAT. Yesterday my husband was standing there looking at me devouring a small plate of food and he told me how much he loves seeing me eat. I love it too, as does the fetus. :)
My tummy is still teeny-tiny, but I'm pretty sure that I just carry small no matter how the pregnancy is going. We had an anatomy scan two weeks ago that showed a perfectly healthy child with long arms, long legs, and HUGE feet. Seriously, huge is not an exaggeration here. The feet were 4.5 cm long at 22 weeks gestation. Now pull out a ruler and see how big that is. Keep in mind that the baby was probably about the length of an ear of corn at the time, so now think about that proportionately. Huge. Feet.
I'm daring to hope at this point that I am completely past everything and that there is no looking back from here, but I know that I may get sick again as the pregnancy progresses. For the moment, though, despite the limitations and the issues that I still have, I am going to wholeheartedly pretend that I am having a fluffy pregnancy. I always wanted one of those. :)
On a sad note, I am praying for all those who were in the tornado's path in Oklahoma earlier this week, for those who lost their lives, those who lost loved ones, those who were injured, and those who came through unscathed but without a single piece of clothing to their name except the shirt they escaped in. I can't imagine what the parents of those nine little angels are going through right now. I hope that they are able to find some peace and comfort down the line.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
So Much For Keeping My Hopes Up...
Yeah, life sucks. It turns out that I'm about a week behind where I thought I was, so I'm less than six weeks at this point. And I feel like crap. I haven't actually been vomiting, but I've spent the entire last couple of days feeling like I'm about to throw up any second. As you can imagine, this is severely limiting my intakes of food and fluids. I have this perpetual dry, dehydrated feeling and if the zofran my husband is out picking up for me right now doesn't provide some immediate relief, then I can definitely see having to get an IV by the beginning of next week.
This is ridiculous.
If I ever say that I want to have another child after this one, please shoot me. Seriously. While this baby may have been a bit of a surprise, it is still very wanted and I've been spending the past two years mentally and physically preparing. Guess what? Nothing can prepare you for this personal type of hell. Last time I was able to harbor some hope because I didn't know what was going on, but this time I know exactly what's going on and exactly how bad things can get. That makes it very difficult to put a positive spin on this.
Yes, I have better care already in place. Yes, I know how wonderful it will be to have a baby at the end of it. But as always, when asked the question "But it was worth it, wasn't it?" I can't honestly reply yes. I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world and I love her to bits and would do anything for her, but seriously - isn't there an easier way to make babies? Is it unreasonable of me to expect that I should be able to go through this natural, normal process without feeling like I'm dying and without practically abandoning my family?
Whatever. Clearly I'm feeling a little bitter right now. Maybe the magic zofran will improve my mood a bit.
This is ridiculous.
If I ever say that I want to have another child after this one, please shoot me. Seriously. While this baby may have been a bit of a surprise, it is still very wanted and I've been spending the past two years mentally and physically preparing. Guess what? Nothing can prepare you for this personal type of hell. Last time I was able to harbor some hope because I didn't know what was going on, but this time I know exactly what's going on and exactly how bad things can get. That makes it very difficult to put a positive spin on this.
Yes, I have better care already in place. Yes, I know how wonderful it will be to have a baby at the end of it. But as always, when asked the question "But it was worth it, wasn't it?" I can't honestly reply yes. I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world and I love her to bits and would do anything for her, but seriously - isn't there an easier way to make babies? Is it unreasonable of me to expect that I should be able to go through this natural, normal process without feeling like I'm dying and without practically abandoning my family?
Whatever. Clearly I'm feeling a little bitter right now. Maybe the magic zofran will improve my mood a bit.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Preparing for Another HG Pregnancy
I had hyperemesis with my first - and as yet only - pregnancy. According to my doctor and research, however, I have a very high likelihood (60-70%) of having it in future pregnancies as well. Since I gave birth 21 months ago, I have been preparing myself for another pregnancy. The physical preparations are pretty simple. The emotional and psychological preparations are not.
Here is a list of things to do to prepare for another HG pregnancy. I have compiled this list from the list here from the Help HER website, as well as feedback I received from other HG mothers when I asked them what they thought would be good to do in advance. I have split it into several categories for the sake of clarity and organization.
CHILDCARE
If you have older children, be sure that they are taken care of. Have a rotation of friends and family look after them, but keep in mind that they will sorely miss you. For younger children, consider having a basket of quiet activities to keep near you so that they can play near you and with you if you are up for it. For older children, let them know that you are willing to listen whenever they want to talk and ask them to come sit with you and tell you about their day each afternoon. See if there are any activities you can do together while you lay down. Board games? If they are in a sport/dance/play/whatever and you can't make it to their performances or events, have someone videotape it for you and make sure to watch it with your child afterwards.
For pre-school-aged children, consider getting together with other mothers for a round-robin playgroup. If there are five children then each mother has the children only one day a week. Perhaps you can get a family member or friend to be at your house the day the kids are 'yours' and run the activities and take care of them. It would even be worthwhile to hire someone to help, if that is a possibility.
HOUSEHOLD
Make sure that you aren't planning a move for the next year or more. Moving while pregnant sucks, especially if you have HG. Take if from me. I did it. DON'T DO IT.
Stock up on EVERYTHING beforehand. Your husband/significant other will be so overwhelmed just with taking care of you and trying to keep things somewhat sane that you don't want to add extra stresses. Stock up on all non-perishables, and if you have a deep freeze you can stock up on some frozen goods as well. Don't forget about things like toilet paper, soaps, cleaners, clothing, etc.
In all your stocking up, try to avoid anything perfumed or otherwise scented as this can be a trigger for vomiting.
Cook and freeze in advance. Again, a deep-freeze is good for this because the food keeps longer. Store the food in containers that are the correct size for one meal for how ever many people are eating. Last time soups wound up being good for hydrating me, so this time I will precook soups and freeze them in single servings in the hopes that they will work again.
Look into grocery delivery services. Again, this will make your husband's life easier.
Do a deep clean of your house beforehand or hire someone to do it for you. Organize. If possible, arrange for a cleaner (or an awesome friend) to come by once a week and help out with cleaning.
Keep a cabinet full of new toys/activities to keep older children busy when you're at your worst. Go to the dollar store or the dollar section at Target and stock up. Brainstorm and write up a long list of fun activities so that when your brain is in HG mode you don't even have to think too hard and come up with something new.
DENTAL HEALTH
Go to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays and address any cavities or other issues. Also ask the dentist about a sealant for your teeth to help protect them against all the vomiting.
GENERAL HEALTH
Address any other health issues before considering trying to conceive.
Quit smoking, drinking alcohol, reduce caffeine intake. Avoid artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, etc.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet and make sure you have moderate exercise. With severe HG you will have muscle atrophy. It helps if you have some muscle to begin with before it atrophies.
Make sure you are slightly above (10 lbs above) your goal healthy weight. If you are overweight, don't add these 10 lbs. If you are underweight, spend some serious effort bulking up. You don't want to do this by eating ice cream all day. You want to do this by increasing your intake of healthy food and increasing the amount of healthy fats in your diet. For example, never eat a naked salad - always put on dressing.
Ask your doctor for a comprehensive blood test to check B12, CBC, Ferritin, Potassium, Vitamin D, folic acid and any other levels he thinks it appropriate to address. Address any vitamin/mineral deficiencies BEFORE trying to conceive. This blood panel will also serve as a reference point for what your blood looked like when you were healthy.
Start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months before trying to conceive. Don't forget to take folic acid. Also, magnesium deficiencies have been shown to contribute to nausea so ask your doctor if you should take a supplement and how much. And don't forget B6 - while I didn't notice it helping any when I tried it, I was already pretty far gone before it was suggested. Taking it in advance or from the positive pregnancy test may work better.
EDUCATE
Educate yourself. Educate your family. Educate your friends. Educate your doctor. Educate your community. Educate, educate, educate. I can't stress how important it is. The HER Foundation has fantastic resources in this area. Use them.
Obviously there are about a zillion and one other things you can do as well. I didn't mention a lot of the things on the list at the HER Foundation because - well, why duplicate effort? Each individual will have their own needs as well. The best thing to do is to sit down with your doctor in advance and make an action plan. Of course we all hope that all of this planning will be completely useless because we'll have happy, fluffy, non-HG pregnancies - but we can't count on that happening.
I hope that this list provides at least a springboard for planning for your next HG pregnancy.
Here is a list of things to do to prepare for another HG pregnancy. I have compiled this list from the list here from the Help HER website, as well as feedback I received from other HG mothers when I asked them what they thought would be good to do in advance. I have split it into several categories for the sake of clarity and organization.
CHILDCARE
If you have older children, be sure that they are taken care of. Have a rotation of friends and family look after them, but keep in mind that they will sorely miss you. For younger children, consider having a basket of quiet activities to keep near you so that they can play near you and with you if you are up for it. For older children, let them know that you are willing to listen whenever they want to talk and ask them to come sit with you and tell you about their day each afternoon. See if there are any activities you can do together while you lay down. Board games? If they are in a sport/dance/play/whatever and you can't make it to their performances or events, have someone videotape it for you and make sure to watch it with your child afterwards.
For pre-school-aged children, consider getting together with other mothers for a round-robin playgroup. If there are five children then each mother has the children only one day a week. Perhaps you can get a family member or friend to be at your house the day the kids are 'yours' and run the activities and take care of them. It would even be worthwhile to hire someone to help, if that is a possibility.
HOUSEHOLD
Make sure that you aren't planning a move for the next year or more. Moving while pregnant sucks, especially if you have HG. Take if from me. I did it. DON'T DO IT.
Stock up on EVERYTHING beforehand. Your husband/significant other will be so overwhelmed just with taking care of you and trying to keep things somewhat sane that you don't want to add extra stresses. Stock up on all non-perishables, and if you have a deep freeze you can stock up on some frozen goods as well. Don't forget about things like toilet paper, soaps, cleaners, clothing, etc.
In all your stocking up, try to avoid anything perfumed or otherwise scented as this can be a trigger for vomiting.
Cook and freeze in advance. Again, a deep-freeze is good for this because the food keeps longer. Store the food in containers that are the correct size for one meal for how ever many people are eating. Last time soups wound up being good for hydrating me, so this time I will precook soups and freeze them in single servings in the hopes that they will work again.
Look into grocery delivery services. Again, this will make your husband's life easier.
Do a deep clean of your house beforehand or hire someone to do it for you. Organize. If possible, arrange for a cleaner (or an awesome friend) to come by once a week and help out with cleaning.
Keep a cabinet full of new toys/activities to keep older children busy when you're at your worst. Go to the dollar store or the dollar section at Target and stock up. Brainstorm and write up a long list of fun activities so that when your brain is in HG mode you don't even have to think too hard and come up with something new.
DENTAL HEALTH
Go to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays and address any cavities or other issues. Also ask the dentist about a sealant for your teeth to help protect them against all the vomiting.
GENERAL HEALTH
Address any other health issues before considering trying to conceive.
Quit smoking, drinking alcohol, reduce caffeine intake. Avoid artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, etc.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet and make sure you have moderate exercise. With severe HG you will have muscle atrophy. It helps if you have some muscle to begin with before it atrophies.
Make sure you are slightly above (10 lbs above) your goal healthy weight. If you are overweight, don't add these 10 lbs. If you are underweight, spend some serious effort bulking up. You don't want to do this by eating ice cream all day. You want to do this by increasing your intake of healthy food and increasing the amount of healthy fats in your diet. For example, never eat a naked salad - always put on dressing.
Ask your doctor for a comprehensive blood test to check B12, CBC, Ferritin, Potassium, Vitamin D, folic acid and any other levels he thinks it appropriate to address. Address any vitamin/mineral deficiencies BEFORE trying to conceive. This blood panel will also serve as a reference point for what your blood looked like when you were healthy.
Start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months before trying to conceive. Don't forget to take folic acid. Also, magnesium deficiencies have been shown to contribute to nausea so ask your doctor if you should take a supplement and how much. And don't forget B6 - while I didn't notice it helping any when I tried it, I was already pretty far gone before it was suggested. Taking it in advance or from the positive pregnancy test may work better.
EDUCATE
Educate yourself. Educate your family. Educate your friends. Educate your doctor. Educate your community. Educate, educate, educate. I can't stress how important it is. The HER Foundation has fantastic resources in this area. Use them.
Obviously there are about a zillion and one other things you can do as well. I didn't mention a lot of the things on the list at the HER Foundation because - well, why duplicate effort? Each individual will have their own needs as well. The best thing to do is to sit down with your doctor in advance and make an action plan. Of course we all hope that all of this planning will be completely useless because we'll have happy, fluffy, non-HG pregnancies - but we can't count on that happening.
I hope that this list provides at least a springboard for planning for your next HG pregnancy.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Baby Dolls
There are those moments in your life when you just look at your child in amazement and wonder how such an incredibly precious creature came out of you. LH is always full of wonderful surprises and is at a very fun (if trying) age.
What I really get a kick out of is seeing how she interacts with her baby doll. I've always thought that you can tell something about parents just by watching the behavior of their young child. Well LH simply lavishes her love on this poor, bedraggled doll. Whether it's gently laying her down in a basket and rubbing her head so she'll go to sleep or carrying around patting her back or strapping her into the high chair and giving her water from her own sippy cup, LH just mothers this little doll to death.
And then there are the times when she is very clearly NOT modelling her behavior after us. We have never thrown her to the ground, stepped on her, or used her as a comfy chair. We have never bitten her or strangled her with her headband. And we most certainly have never tried to stick her in the garbage.
But it's those nice moments when she is being such a mensch that really get at me. I can't help but be a proud mama when I see how sweet and loving and caring my little girl is. She can only be learning her behavior from N and me (as I am a stay at home mother) so it's so nice to see that she's picking up on all the right things.
Now we just have to convince her that I'm not a trampoline, either....
What I really get a kick out of is seeing how she interacts with her baby doll. I've always thought that you can tell something about parents just by watching the behavior of their young child. Well LH simply lavishes her love on this poor, bedraggled doll. Whether it's gently laying her down in a basket and rubbing her head so she'll go to sleep or carrying around patting her back or strapping her into the high chair and giving her water from her own sippy cup, LH just mothers this little doll to death.
And then there are the times when she is very clearly NOT modelling her behavior after us. We have never thrown her to the ground, stepped on her, or used her as a comfy chair. We have never bitten her or strangled her with her headband. And we most certainly have never tried to stick her in the garbage.
But it's those nice moments when she is being such a mensch that really get at me. I can't help but be a proud mama when I see how sweet and loving and caring my little girl is. She can only be learning her behavior from N and me (as I am a stay at home mother) so it's so nice to see that she's picking up on all the right things.
Now we just have to convince her that I'm not a trampoline, either....
Monday, April 16, 2012
No More Milk???
Sadness has come over this household: my milk supply suddenly disappeared. One day we were doing just fine, and the next I'm running on empty. I know that breastfeeding all the way until 18 months is quite an accomplishment and I really am proud of myself, especially seeing how LH thrives on my milk. The thing is, neither of us were ready to give it up quite yet.
It's been a rough few days so far, with no signs of my milk supply returning, despite my best efforts. LH is taking it really hard, and I can't blame the kid. I didn't prepare her for this. It wasn't the gradual, baby-led weaning I was planning on. She just had to quit cold turkey.
And just when I finally got around to converting my regular bras into nursing bras, too...
It's been a rough few days so far, with no signs of my milk supply returning, despite my best efforts. LH is taking it really hard, and I can't blame the kid. I didn't prepare her for this. It wasn't the gradual, baby-led weaning I was planning on. She just had to quit cold turkey.
And just when I finally got around to converting my regular bras into nursing bras, too...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Car Seat Safety
In general I love living in Israel, but I must admit - the driving here is absolutely dreadful. There also seems to be a general disregard for safety (like children riding on motorcycles, use of carseats that are older than I am, children not properly strapped into their seats or not belted at all, etc.). More often than not I see all of these in circumstances when I can't speak up (not that I would have the guts to). It is very frustrating, though, when I see these practices in people close to me.
A couple weeks ago I happened to spend half the day with a family with six children, newborn to 13 years old. The newborn, when she was in her car seat and not on her mother's lap, was not properly strapped in. The next oldest child (2) was also not always strapped in, let alone properly. Is the kid a little fussy? Okay, take him out, give him what he wants.
This is a huge contrast to what we do. Last night N, LH and I were returning from a mini vacation and we got stuck in a major traffic jam, so a car ride that should have taken 2.5 hours turned into 4.5 hours. Of course LH did not appreciate being tethered and unable to wiggle around all that time, but she never left her seat. The most I did was unclip her chest clip so that I could take off her sweatshirt while we were stopped, and then she was clipped right back up. In the middle she very much wanted to nurse - a feat which I accomplished without touching her restraints at all and with a minimal adjustment of my seat belt. I don't care if we were going under 30kph; it's not worth it to risk my child's safety for the sake of comfort.
Obviously there are people out there who disagree with me, and I know exactly how annoying it can be to have a screaming baby in the car because they don't want to be in the car seat. Trust me, if something happened to your babe because you weren't taking the precautions you could have, you would beat yourself up forever that you didn't just suck it up and listen to the screaming for a little bit.
It doesn't matter what our parents or our grandparents did. It doesn't matter that the old car you grew up in didn't even have seat belts in the back seat, or that holding a baby in your lap was the norm. Just because you were never hurt, just because your friend was never hurt, doesn't mean it can't happen. A properly installed, properly used child restraint system saves lives. Don't take the risk. God can only do so much against stupidity. Think of the car seat as the protective hug that you are giving your child while you are driving. Never stop hugging your children.
A couple weeks ago I happened to spend half the day with a family with six children, newborn to 13 years old. The newborn, when she was in her car seat and not on her mother's lap, was not properly strapped in. The next oldest child (2) was also not always strapped in, let alone properly. Is the kid a little fussy? Okay, take him out, give him what he wants.
This is a huge contrast to what we do. Last night N, LH and I were returning from a mini vacation and we got stuck in a major traffic jam, so a car ride that should have taken 2.5 hours turned into 4.5 hours. Of course LH did not appreciate being tethered and unable to wiggle around all that time, but she never left her seat. The most I did was unclip her chest clip so that I could take off her sweatshirt while we were stopped, and then she was clipped right back up. In the middle she very much wanted to nurse - a feat which I accomplished without touching her restraints at all and with a minimal adjustment of my seat belt. I don't care if we were going under 30kph; it's not worth it to risk my child's safety for the sake of comfort.
Obviously there are people out there who disagree with me, and I know exactly how annoying it can be to have a screaming baby in the car because they don't want to be in the car seat. Trust me, if something happened to your babe because you weren't taking the precautions you could have, you would beat yourself up forever that you didn't just suck it up and listen to the screaming for a little bit.
It doesn't matter what our parents or our grandparents did. It doesn't matter that the old car you grew up in didn't even have seat belts in the back seat, or that holding a baby in your lap was the norm. Just because you were never hurt, just because your friend was never hurt, doesn't mean it can't happen. A properly installed, properly used child restraint system saves lives. Don't take the risk. God can only do so much against stupidity. Think of the car seat as the protective hug that you are giving your child while you are driving. Never stop hugging your children.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Of Questionable Sanity
After going through HG, thoughts of having another child - let alone several more, as we were (and still are) hoping seemed crazy and basically sent me into a panic. Which is why I find myself questioning my sanity since I know have baby fever.
It's amazing how resilient both the human body and the psyche can be. Or maybe how forgetful. Do I not remember the pain and misery? Do I not remember how I couldn't even get out of bed? How am I supposed to do all of that with a toddler underfoot, and in the future more than one older child?
Of course I know the answer already. Yes, I do remember, and that is why I have spent the past year making preparations of mind, body, and house in order to make things go more smoothly. I have a document on my computer of lists of things to do beforehand and during to try to keep things good. I speak with many people about various ideas and options, doctor recommendations, etc.
I still feel pretty insane to be considering this again. Kids must really be something special for a mother to be willing to risk her life (pretty literally, in this case) in order to bring more into the world. I guess I just take the commandment of "be fruitful and multiply" very seriously.
I'll do everything I possibly can to survive. The rest is up to G-d.
It's amazing how resilient both the human body and the psyche can be. Or maybe how forgetful. Do I not remember the pain and misery? Do I not remember how I couldn't even get out of bed? How am I supposed to do all of that with a toddler underfoot, and in the future more than one older child?
Of course I know the answer already. Yes, I do remember, and that is why I have spent the past year making preparations of mind, body, and house in order to make things go more smoothly. I have a document on my computer of lists of things to do beforehand and during to try to keep things good. I speak with many people about various ideas and options, doctor recommendations, etc.
I still feel pretty insane to be considering this again. Kids must really be something special for a mother to be willing to risk her life (pretty literally, in this case) in order to bring more into the world. I guess I just take the commandment of "be fruitful and multiply" very seriously.
I'll do everything I possibly can to survive. The rest is up to G-d.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Respecting other's hardships
When you are living your own life with your own good and bad bits, it can be very difficult to step into someone else's shoes for a minute and realize that they have their own good and bad bits, as well. Life isn't a contest to see who can one-up the next person (oh, your baby isn't crawling yet? Mine's been crawling for ages). This goes both ways (oh, you have no idea how hard it is - you just have one baby. That's a breeze. I have twins).
I am on various parenting boards with other mothers of children around the same age as L.H., and today one of them said something that I appreciated so much and is so true. To quote: "Kids are hard regardless of how many you have. I know it's especially hard if the twins are your first but any firsts are hard."
I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have people ask me about L.H. and then proceed to tell me that
she's just the first; that's nothing. Wait until I get to (insert number of children said person has). What people don't realize - and I am undoubtedly guilty of this, as well - is that each person must pass through each stage of life, and just because you have already passed through it and gotten out fine doesn't mean that the next person won't struggle with it.
I am on various parenting boards with other mothers of children around the same age as L.H., and today one of them said something that I appreciated so much and is so true. To quote: "Kids are hard regardless of how many you have. I know it's especially hard if the twins are your first but any firsts are hard."
I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have people ask me about L.H. and then proceed to tell me that
she's just the first; that's nothing. Wait until I get to (insert number of children said person has). What people don't realize - and I am undoubtedly guilty of this, as well - is that each person must pass through each stage of life, and just because you have already passed through it and gotten out fine doesn't mean that the next person won't struggle with it.
We each have our struggles. You might find a mother with twins who are perfect angels and relatively easy to take care of; or you might see a mother with one child who is colicky, doesn't eat well, doesn't sleep well, and is generally a holy terror. Which one of those is having a harder time? There is no way to tell. Even though babies are babies, comparing those two situations is like comparing apples and oranges.
To apply this to myself, just because I had severe HG doesn't mean that the other pregnancy complications some of my friends had are any less serious or difficult (and I am very careful about not making it seem that way, either). I have one friend who didn't want to tell me she was pregnant because I was having such a tough time with my pregnancy, and then when we talked about her pregnancy she would never complain to me about her severe heartburn and back pains, even though they really bothered her a lot. She felt that she had nothing compared to me. And you know what? As much as I appreciate the thought, I wish that she would have shared it with me. It would have brought some small sense of normalcy back into my life. It would have been nice if for five minutes I could be there for someone else, instead of everyone else needing to be there for me for eight months.
The bottom line is, until you have been in someone else's shoes - you can't say anything. And even if you think you have been in their shoes chances are you haven't.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Friends vs. Children
I got a little bit of a lecture today from a friend who was telling me that some people (in her eyes, most people except for me) make sure to make time for friends and put their friends first. They force their babies to be okay with taking a bottle so that they can go out whenever they want. Either the baby takes the bottle or the baby goes hungry, end of story.
How did this all come about? We are a group of four friends who met in university and have kept in touch. We try to get together every so often to catch up and whatnot, but since we live in two (soon to be three) separate cities and we all have different work/school schedules and three of us have babies, things don't always work out.
Getting together with them is always nice, but it's such a headache to go back and forth until we finally agree on a time and place. Basically, as nice as it is, these get-togethers are usually very stressful for various reasons.
So to cut a long story short, we were planning on getting together on Monday this week and then that didn't work out for various reasons. So then it was changed to Wednesday evening - in a different city. First I was made to feel bad by one of them for saying that I can't go because I have to work so that we can put food on the table. Can't I change it? Why no, I can't. It is the night before and the plans still aren't fully finalized. I can't just take off work on a whim. If I go to this play date then I'll be losing out on around $50 - and that's quite a lot.
Then, in speaking with another friend, I happened to mention that anyways I couldn't go because it was too late in the day and would conflict with bedtime. That's when I started getting the lecture on putting myself first and how I made a mistake in not making L.H. take a bottle and how I made a mistake in nursing her to sleep more often than not. "Oh, not to say that your parenting is wrong, or anything." Yeah, right.
I will concede that sometimes having a baby who is tied to you is not the most convenient thing. However, I still wouldn't change the way I have done things. As far as I'm concerned, if a breastfeeding mother has the opportunity (in our case, necessity) to stay home with her child, then there is really no reason to give the baby a bottle. She wants it straight from the source - and I can't blame her. Mind you, for the first 7 months of her life I was still in school and of course I always left bottles for her when I was in class, but mostly she would just drink enough to take the edge off her hunger and wait for me. She clearly was unhappy with bottles so since I wasn't working outside the home I saw no reason to push the issue.
Does this sometimes limit me? Sure, but I think it's in a good way. Yes, it's nice to get out with friends every now and then. But you know what? I'm so tired by the end of the day that I anyways am not interested in going out in the evening. Getting home at 10 is late for me and aside from the fact that N. most decidedly can't give L.H. her bedtime nursing, bedtime is one of those sweet moments of the day that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Sure, I frequently gripe about it and ask N. why he can't just put her to sleep. But then when L.H. and I are laying there side by side and she's snuggling into me or she suddenly pops up on hands and knees to smother my face with kisses - well, those moments are priceless. She will only be this small once. I don't want to just go out and do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it because it would be a missed opportunity to have that wonderful quiet time with the babe - the time that allows both of us to sort of de-stress at the end of a long day.
Friends are important - very important - and always will be. But when seeing them comes with so much stress and at such a high (to me) cost - well, I'd rather stay home for cuddles. :)
How did this all come about? We are a group of four friends who met in university and have kept in touch. We try to get together every so often to catch up and whatnot, but since we live in two (soon to be three) separate cities and we all have different work/school schedules and three of us have babies, things don't always work out.
Getting together with them is always nice, but it's such a headache to go back and forth until we finally agree on a time and place. Basically, as nice as it is, these get-togethers are usually very stressful for various reasons.
So to cut a long story short, we were planning on getting together on Monday this week and then that didn't work out for various reasons. So then it was changed to Wednesday evening - in a different city. First I was made to feel bad by one of them for saying that I can't go because I have to work so that we can put food on the table. Can't I change it? Why no, I can't. It is the night before and the plans still aren't fully finalized. I can't just take off work on a whim. If I go to this play date then I'll be losing out on around $50 - and that's quite a lot.
Then, in speaking with another friend, I happened to mention that anyways I couldn't go because it was too late in the day and would conflict with bedtime. That's when I started getting the lecture on putting myself first and how I made a mistake in not making L.H. take a bottle and how I made a mistake in nursing her to sleep more often than not. "Oh, not to say that your parenting is wrong, or anything." Yeah, right.
I will concede that sometimes having a baby who is tied to you is not the most convenient thing. However, I still wouldn't change the way I have done things. As far as I'm concerned, if a breastfeeding mother has the opportunity (in our case, necessity) to stay home with her child, then there is really no reason to give the baby a bottle. She wants it straight from the source - and I can't blame her. Mind you, for the first 7 months of her life I was still in school and of course I always left bottles for her when I was in class, but mostly she would just drink enough to take the edge off her hunger and wait for me. She clearly was unhappy with bottles so since I wasn't working outside the home I saw no reason to push the issue.
Does this sometimes limit me? Sure, but I think it's in a good way. Yes, it's nice to get out with friends every now and then. But you know what? I'm so tired by the end of the day that I anyways am not interested in going out in the evening. Getting home at 10 is late for me and aside from the fact that N. most decidedly can't give L.H. her bedtime nursing, bedtime is one of those sweet moments of the day that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Sure, I frequently gripe about it and ask N. why he can't just put her to sleep. But then when L.H. and I are laying there side by side and she's snuggling into me or she suddenly pops up on hands and knees to smother my face with kisses - well, those moments are priceless. She will only be this small once. I don't want to just go out and do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it because it would be a missed opportunity to have that wonderful quiet time with the babe - the time that allows both of us to sort of de-stress at the end of a long day.
Friends are important - very important - and always will be. But when seeing them comes with so much stress and at such a high (to me) cost - well, I'd rather stay home for cuddles. :)
To soothe the crying babe
In case you couldn't tell, I am very into attachment parenting. It just makes sense to me and it feels right. I have gotten comments from several people who have negative views of extended breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, etc. And you know what? They aren't my child's parents, so I just ignore the comments.
One of the things I struggle with, though, is how to approach her crying. Of course I pick her up and try to comfort her and if I know what's wrong then I fix it. But let's say that she falls down and bangs her head against something on the way, causing her to dissolve into a screaming puddle of tears. There are two conflicting ways of comforting her that come to mind every time: pick her up, comfort her, and tell her that really it's nothing; or pick her up, comfort her, and tell her that I bet that really hurt and it's okay to cry.
The first approach tries to tell her that falling down and bumping your head isn't the worst thing in the world and that happens in life. But it also, in a way, invalidates her feelings and her pain. Telling her that it's nothing is like telling her that she shouldn't be crying - when clearly she needs to. Maybe if she had the words to come to me and verbally tell me that she fell down and she got an owie then she wouldn't need to cry, but at 15 months L.H. can't quite get the message across with words or signs.
The second approach empathizes with her and validates what she's feeling, giving her a comfortable outlet to express her pain and frustration while also helping her calm down. On the other hand, one must be careful not to overdo it. If you make too big a deal of it, then I would think the child would learn that a small little bump really is a big deal and worthy of a meltdown.
I think that the best thing is to find the balance between the two. For a younger child who is still very far away from being able to express himself through words, I think that the validation is very important - within reason. For an older child who already has language and other means of communicating aside from crying, I think that it is worthwhile to downplay small bumps and bruises enough so that they learn not to get too upset about them, but not so much that they feel that you are uncaring and don't understand them.
I suppose that that's really what parenting is all about - finding the balance.
One of the things I struggle with, though, is how to approach her crying. Of course I pick her up and try to comfort her and if I know what's wrong then I fix it. But let's say that she falls down and bangs her head against something on the way, causing her to dissolve into a screaming puddle of tears. There are two conflicting ways of comforting her that come to mind every time: pick her up, comfort her, and tell her that really it's nothing; or pick her up, comfort her, and tell her that I bet that really hurt and it's okay to cry.
The first approach tries to tell her that falling down and bumping your head isn't the worst thing in the world and that happens in life. But it also, in a way, invalidates her feelings and her pain. Telling her that it's nothing is like telling her that she shouldn't be crying - when clearly she needs to. Maybe if she had the words to come to me and verbally tell me that she fell down and she got an owie then she wouldn't need to cry, but at 15 months L.H. can't quite get the message across with words or signs.
The second approach empathizes with her and validates what she's feeling, giving her a comfortable outlet to express her pain and frustration while also helping her calm down. On the other hand, one must be careful not to overdo it. If you make too big a deal of it, then I would think the child would learn that a small little bump really is a big deal and worthy of a meltdown.
I think that the best thing is to find the balance between the two. For a younger child who is still very far away from being able to express himself through words, I think that the validation is very important - within reason. For an older child who already has language and other means of communicating aside from crying, I think that it is worthwhile to downplay small bumps and bruises enough so that they learn not to get too upset about them, but not so much that they feel that you are uncaring and don't understand them.
I suppose that that's really what parenting is all about - finding the balance.
The end of co-sleeping: continued
Now I know why I didn't try this transition sooner - I don't operate too well when I don't get enough sleep. L.H. loooooooooves her new sleep area (I made it very fun for her). The problem is that she doesn't sleep through the night and never has. When she was in my bed that didn't bother me so much since I just had to wake up enough to get her started nursing and then I could fall asleep again. Now, though, her nighttime wakings involve me getting up, going to her bed to nurse, staying awake until she's finished and back asleep, and then somehow crawling back into my (now cold) bed and falling back asleep. Even if this entire process only takes 10 minutes, it's still very annoying and really breaks up my night. Some days now I feel like a zombies, and I am drinking caffeinated coffee every day - if not twice a day.
I know that the smart approach might be to try to night wean her and somehow teach her to sleep through the night, but I'm also not so sure about that. What if she's not ready? Not all people are wired to sleep through the night until later. What if she really does need those extra feedings because she's too distracted to eat properly during the day?
I know that I can't live off of caffeine forever and that I need to find some solution so that everyone gets proper sleep. On the other hand, I also don't want to force L.H. into something that she's not ready for. Sometimes it's hard to find the proper balance between the two, and I know that she is looking to me, as the parent, to make the right decisions for her. I just hope that I can find a solution that will make all of us happy and well-rested.
I know that the smart approach might be to try to night wean her and somehow teach her to sleep through the night, but I'm also not so sure about that. What if she's not ready? Not all people are wired to sleep through the night until later. What if she really does need those extra feedings because she's too distracted to eat properly during the day?
I know that I can't live off of caffeine forever and that I need to find some solution so that everyone gets proper sleep. On the other hand, I also don't want to force L.H. into something that she's not ready for. Sometimes it's hard to find the proper balance between the two, and I know that she is looking to me, as the parent, to make the right decisions for her. I just hope that I can find a solution that will make all of us happy and well-rested.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Music lessons
We have, thank G-d, been blessed with a musically talented child. At least, from what we can tell so far. She sings, she dances, she plays her instruments - and she is absolutely mesmerized by music. Need to get something done? Play some music and you've got yourself 10 minutes.
Of course the music that a 15-month-old can produce isn't exactly Mozart, but it's still pretty amazing to hear. Just last week she discovered how to blow through the recorder to make sound, and she is always handing it to me to hear me play it before she tries to copy me. The same thing with the xylophone - she'll bang on it a bit and then give me the sticks to play something, then try to copy me.
I can't wait for the day that we can get her some music lessons. Of course it's too early now, as she doesn't have the coordination or the ability to sit still for longer than three seconds. I just think it would make her so happy to be able to make the music herself, not just listen to it.
I grew up with a piano in the house, and I think that was really great. In fact, once we get on our feet financially I definitely have my eye on buying a used piano to keep in our home so that our children can learn music on a real instrument. We already have a clarinet, but that's a tough instrument for a little kid. Piano is much easier to start with.
Do I see my child becoming a musician? Not necessarily, no. But I think that music enrichment is such an important part of life that to neglect it would be sinful. Especially when you have a child who shows aptitude and who loves it so much, why not encourage that? So when L.H. is old enough and when we have the means, I plan on getting her serious lessons. If she loves them - fantastic. If she doesn't - it didn't hurt to try. Who knows, maybe something will come of it after all.
Of course the music that a 15-month-old can produce isn't exactly Mozart, but it's still pretty amazing to hear. Just last week she discovered how to blow through the recorder to make sound, and she is always handing it to me to hear me play it before she tries to copy me. The same thing with the xylophone - she'll bang on it a bit and then give me the sticks to play something, then try to copy me.
I can't wait for the day that we can get her some music lessons. Of course it's too early now, as she doesn't have the coordination or the ability to sit still for longer than three seconds. I just think it would make her so happy to be able to make the music herself, not just listen to it.
I grew up with a piano in the house, and I think that was really great. In fact, once we get on our feet financially I definitely have my eye on buying a used piano to keep in our home so that our children can learn music on a real instrument. We already have a clarinet, but that's a tough instrument for a little kid. Piano is much easier to start with.
Do I see my child becoming a musician? Not necessarily, no. But I think that music enrichment is such an important part of life that to neglect it would be sinful. Especially when you have a child who shows aptitude and who loves it so much, why not encourage that? So when L.H. is old enough and when we have the means, I plan on getting her serious lessons. If she loves them - fantastic. If she doesn't - it didn't hurt to try. Who knows, maybe something will come of it after all.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
And the worst parenting award goes to...
There are some parents out there who make me feel like a really bad parent. You know, the ones who are "supermoms" and run themselves ragged trying to make everything perfect for their little ones. And then there are parents who make me feel thankful for having a brain, some common sense, and a background of having had good parents. Compared to them, I feel like gold.
I encountered a set of the latter parents today. L.H. and I were strolling down the block when we saw a little boy, probably around 20-22 months old, standing in the leg space of a scooter with his grandma sitting on the seat. The scooter was off and parked so I thought it was a little odd, but I know how much L.H. loves motorcycles and scooters so I figured she was just taking the chance to let him explore one a little bit. Then the kid's mother comes out and stands there chatting with the grandma, smoking a cigarette in her little boy's face. Just to set the record straight, I have very little respect for people who smoke next to their children.
In the meantime, L.H. was busy investigating some weeds growing by the side of the sidewalk. The next thing I know, the boy's father comes out wearing his motorcycle helmet, gets on, and starts up the engine. What about the little boy, you ask? Oh, he's still standing on the scooter. His father starts driving the scooter up and down our (one-way) street with this little toddler standing on it and holding on to the handlebars. I was shocked, to say the least. The women of the family were standing on the sidewalk cheering them on, and from the behavior of the kid I could tell that this wasn't his first ride, either.
I debated back and forth a little bit whether or not to speak up to them about the dangers of the whole situation. In the end I decided not to. First of all, I'm not sure that I have all of the vocabulary needed to tell this people how much harm they could cause their child. And secondly, if both the boy's parents and his grandmother were all participating and they all clearly thought it was fine, then why on earth would one little person on the street telling them it was dangerous change anything?
I just love how the father wore a helmet and heavy leather jacket, while his son was just in sweats and a ponytail. You care enough to protect yourself, but not your precious child?
It is days like today that I feel like a good mother for not doing stupid things with my daughter.
I encountered a set of the latter parents today. L.H. and I were strolling down the block when we saw a little boy, probably around 20-22 months old, standing in the leg space of a scooter with his grandma sitting on the seat. The scooter was off and parked so I thought it was a little odd, but I know how much L.H. loves motorcycles and scooters so I figured she was just taking the chance to let him explore one a little bit. Then the kid's mother comes out and stands there chatting with the grandma, smoking a cigarette in her little boy's face. Just to set the record straight, I have very little respect for people who smoke next to their children.
In the meantime, L.H. was busy investigating some weeds growing by the side of the sidewalk. The next thing I know, the boy's father comes out wearing his motorcycle helmet, gets on, and starts up the engine. What about the little boy, you ask? Oh, he's still standing on the scooter. His father starts driving the scooter up and down our (one-way) street with this little toddler standing on it and holding on to the handlebars. I was shocked, to say the least. The women of the family were standing on the sidewalk cheering them on, and from the behavior of the kid I could tell that this wasn't his first ride, either.
I debated back and forth a little bit whether or not to speak up to them about the dangers of the whole situation. In the end I decided not to. First of all, I'm not sure that I have all of the vocabulary needed to tell this people how much harm they could cause their child. And secondly, if both the boy's parents and his grandmother were all participating and they all clearly thought it was fine, then why on earth would one little person on the street telling them it was dangerous change anything?
I just love how the father wore a helmet and heavy leather jacket, while his son was just in sweats and a ponytail. You care enough to protect yourself, but not your precious child?
It is days like today that I feel like a good mother for not doing stupid things with my daughter.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Disconnect
When I look at my daughter, my mind knows that it is courtesy of her that I went through the terribleness that is HG, but my emotions don't know that. Intellectually speaking I know that my body couldn't handle the hormones necessary to build her little body from scratch and therefore it rebelled against me. From the first moment I saw her, though, I couldn't connect that suffering with this squirming little bundle of beauty in my arms.
I always say that if babies weren't so darn cute, their parents would kill them. I'm not talking in general, I'm talking after weeks of no sleep, a colicky baby who just threw up everywhere and pooped through five sets of clothing in the past three hours. The only thing that saves babies in times like that is that they are so ridiculously lovable and cute.
It's the same thing here, in a way. I bonded with L.H. in a very limited fashion when she was in utero because I was simply trying to survive and she was making that quite difficult. But if I looked at her today and saw her as the cause of those eight long months of hardship, then how could I love her as much? How could I bond with her?
They say that women forget the pain of childbirth, and that's why they go on and have more. After all, if each woman only had one child then the human race would die out. HG is awfully difficult to forget and in many ways I don't want to forget how horrible it is so that I go into pregnancy the next time prepared for the worst. But if I was to look at my child and think to myself, gee, look what she did to me - then I would never consent to go through it again. She didn't ask to be grown inside me; we kind of did that one on our own. So as much as it's "her fault", she is blameless.
As much as I hate the disconnect and the fact that I couldn't really relate to her prenatally, in some ways it is good because it preserves a perfect, clean relationship between us and ensures that at some point in the future, a little brother or sister will join her.
I always say that if babies weren't so darn cute, their parents would kill them. I'm not talking in general, I'm talking after weeks of no sleep, a colicky baby who just threw up everywhere and pooped through five sets of clothing in the past three hours. The only thing that saves babies in times like that is that they are so ridiculously lovable and cute.
It's the same thing here, in a way. I bonded with L.H. in a very limited fashion when she was in utero because I was simply trying to survive and she was making that quite difficult. But if I looked at her today and saw her as the cause of those eight long months of hardship, then how could I love her as much? How could I bond with her?
They say that women forget the pain of childbirth, and that's why they go on and have more. After all, if each woman only had one child then the human race would die out. HG is awfully difficult to forget and in many ways I don't want to forget how horrible it is so that I go into pregnancy the next time prepared for the worst. But if I was to look at my child and think to myself, gee, look what she did to me - then I would never consent to go through it again. She didn't ask to be grown inside me; we kind of did that one on our own. So as much as it's "her fault", she is blameless.
As much as I hate the disconnect and the fact that I couldn't really relate to her prenatally, in some ways it is good because it preserves a perfect, clean relationship between us and ensures that at some point in the future, a little brother or sister will join her.
Baby sign
I frequently hear new mothers asking about baby sign and if it's beneficial/harmful/worth it. I never really knew anything about it until my two older sisters started using it with my nephew (one sister nannies the other one's child). They had such wild success with it that when I was looking forward to the birth of L.H., there was no doubt in my mind that I would use it, too.
Let me just clear up a few common misconceptions that I hear. Most people are convinced that teaching your baby sign will delay their speech development. There are no studies that have shown signing causing any speech delay. In fact, it seems that signing gives babies an earlier understanding of language and a bigger vocabulary once they do speak. Not to mention that if you use real signs from ASL or IS (or any other real sign language) instead of making up more "baby-friendly" signs, then you are actually giving them some basics to communicate with those who use sign due to deafness or other special needs.
Think of it this way: my seven-month-old was able to tell me when she wanted milk or when she needed a diaper change. How many times are parents left guessing as to what their infant or toddler wants? How many parents have wished that the kid could just talk so that they could fix whatever it is that is making the child scream?
L.H. is hearing two languages at home (English from me and Hebrew from N.) and this is causing some people to be concerned that she will not talk until later. Aside from the fact that this concern is unfounded (at 15.5 months she has a vocabulary of nearly 20 spoken words), she also has the signing to rely on. She has basically the same number of signs and spoken words and for the most part they don't overlap. But imagine if she didn't speak until the age of two or beyond - with the signing, she would still have the words she needs in order to communicate with us.
Many people think that signing will be too difficult for them (or the babies) to learn. Keep in mind that you're not learning the full language; you're learning individual words and the alphabet in order to spell words that don't have a sign. If I actually encountered someone who communicates through sign then to them I would sign like a baby - no sentences or structure, just disjointed thoughts. You can learn as few or as many words as you want. I started with the things that were most important to her and as time goes on, we add more and more. Whenever she shows interest in something, I look up the sign so that she can talk about it.
The best part of it all is that L.H. can communicate with us and is confident that her needs will be met without her screaming.
Let me just clear up a few common misconceptions that I hear. Most people are convinced that teaching your baby sign will delay their speech development. There are no studies that have shown signing causing any speech delay. In fact, it seems that signing gives babies an earlier understanding of language and a bigger vocabulary once they do speak. Not to mention that if you use real signs from ASL or IS (or any other real sign language) instead of making up more "baby-friendly" signs, then you are actually giving them some basics to communicate with those who use sign due to deafness or other special needs.
Think of it this way: my seven-month-old was able to tell me when she wanted milk or when she needed a diaper change. How many times are parents left guessing as to what their infant or toddler wants? How many parents have wished that the kid could just talk so that they could fix whatever it is that is making the child scream?
L.H. is hearing two languages at home (English from me and Hebrew from N.) and this is causing some people to be concerned that she will not talk until later. Aside from the fact that this concern is unfounded (at 15.5 months she has a vocabulary of nearly 20 spoken words), she also has the signing to rely on. She has basically the same number of signs and spoken words and for the most part they don't overlap. But imagine if she didn't speak until the age of two or beyond - with the signing, she would still have the words she needs in order to communicate with us.
Many people think that signing will be too difficult for them (or the babies) to learn. Keep in mind that you're not learning the full language; you're learning individual words and the alphabet in order to spell words that don't have a sign. If I actually encountered someone who communicates through sign then to them I would sign like a baby - no sentences or structure, just disjointed thoughts. You can learn as few or as many words as you want. I started with the things that were most important to her and as time goes on, we add more and more. Whenever she shows interest in something, I look up the sign so that she can talk about it.
The best part of it all is that L.H. can communicate with us and is confident that her needs will be met without her screaming.
Mommy award
As I lay awake in L.H.'s bed last night, trying to convince her that she really did want to sleep there and not in my bed, I was thinking: all mommies should get an award and reward at the end of each day. I know, I know, the wonderfulness that is children is our reward. But seriously, we work hard.
It doesn't matter whether you stay home with the kids or work outside of the home; whether you have one kids or many; whether you are a single parent or you have a partner. It also doesn't matter if it was a day where you had to spend the entire time with your cranky little one or a day when you played with the babe, cleaned the bathrooms, did three loads of laundry, cooked healthy food for the family, cleaned the kitchen, changed two poopy diapers, and fished five toys out of the toilet. Both of those days are equally challenging and exhausting in their own way.
I recently saw an article that went through what a typical stay-at-home mom does every week and tallied up how much money she would make for each of the marketable skills she does (kissing away boo-boos isn't on the list, unfortunately). You know what the total was? Nearly $100,000. Man, do you know how many years it will take me to earn that much at my current job?
A friend of mine several months ago told me that I don't know anything about working and having a babe and that I've never had a 'real' job so how can I know how it is? Sorry to break it to you, dear friend, but I have had many different jobs since the age of 15. I don't know what you count as a 'real' job, but just because my job is at home instead of in an office doesn't mean that it's not real. In order to do my job, I sacrifice all the personal time I would otherwise get (as well as a clean house). Baby's asleep? Want to take a shower? Nope, you've got to go work. Why waste precious time when you so desperately need the income?
Unfortunately, real life doesn't just hand out awards like that. Out of the millions and millions of hardworking mothers in this world, how many of them actually get mommy awards on a regular basis? And why, oh why did I move to a country that doesn't celebrate Mother's Day?
It doesn't matter whether you stay home with the kids or work outside of the home; whether you have one kids or many; whether you are a single parent or you have a partner. It also doesn't matter if it was a day where you had to spend the entire time with your cranky little one or a day when you played with the babe, cleaned the bathrooms, did three loads of laundry, cooked healthy food for the family, cleaned the kitchen, changed two poopy diapers, and fished five toys out of the toilet. Both of those days are equally challenging and exhausting in their own way.
I recently saw an article that went through what a typical stay-at-home mom does every week and tallied up how much money she would make for each of the marketable skills she does (kissing away boo-boos isn't on the list, unfortunately). You know what the total was? Nearly $100,000. Man, do you know how many years it will take me to earn that much at my current job?
A friend of mine several months ago told me that I don't know anything about working and having a babe and that I've never had a 'real' job so how can I know how it is? Sorry to break it to you, dear friend, but I have had many different jobs since the age of 15. I don't know what you count as a 'real' job, but just because my job is at home instead of in an office doesn't mean that it's not real. In order to do my job, I sacrifice all the personal time I would otherwise get (as well as a clean house). Baby's asleep? Want to take a shower? Nope, you've got to go work. Why waste precious time when you so desperately need the income?
Unfortunately, real life doesn't just hand out awards like that. Out of the millions and millions of hardworking mothers in this world, how many of them actually get mommy awards on a regular basis? And why, oh why did I move to a country that doesn't celebrate Mother's Day?
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Co-sleeping: the end
Before L.H. was born, I thought that I wouldn't co-sleep. To be honest, the idea of it kind of scared me. What if I rolled over on her? What if she fell out? What if, what if, what if. Then she was born and things changed. She slept mostly in her crib for a few weeks, I think (my memory is kind of foggy) until we mastered nursing laying down and I discovered that the only way I actually got any sleep was by keeping her with me. I also discovered that what 'they' say is true - my own sleep patterns changed, I completely stopped moving in my sleep, and I was super aware of the babe nestled by my side. N. could be making noise downstairs and I would never no, but the slightest little sigh from L.H. woke me.
From one side of the family we had people who were very against it and kept trying to talk us out of it (actually, they still do, and have already voiced opinions about the next baby's sleeping arrangements) and on the other side we had former co-sleepers who were very supportive of whatever decisions we decided to make and offered tips for any situation.
And so L.H. shared my bed for 15 months. I must say, waking up to that precious face every morning is unbeatable. Nowadays she pats my face and smothers me with kisses to let me know that it's time to get up in the morning. Not to mention that if I'm ever worried about her - or even if I'm not - she's right there and I can hear her steady breathing and feel her little fit wiggling around.
All good things must come to an end, however. She is huge and my bed is small and I miss being able to sleep in comfortable positions without worrying about squishing the babe. I'm also hoping that if she's not right next to me she won't smell my milk and will sleep more consecutive hours, thus affording me more sleep as well.
It is with mixed feelings that I make this transition. On the one hand the time has come and I know that she has to grow up eventually, not to mention that at some point there will be another baby who will sleep with me. On the other hand, I don't want her to grow up and me say that I didn't cuddle her enough. Not likely, I know, but still.
I am sure that there will still be many nights where we will find a little body mysteriously crawling into bed to look for comfort or a nursing or warmth, but it won't be the same. Our little baby isn't so little anymore, and we have to accept that. Right, Ima? :)
From one side of the family we had people who were very against it and kept trying to talk us out of it (actually, they still do, and have already voiced opinions about the next baby's sleeping arrangements) and on the other side we had former co-sleepers who were very supportive of whatever decisions we decided to make and offered tips for any situation.
And so L.H. shared my bed for 15 months. I must say, waking up to that precious face every morning is unbeatable. Nowadays she pats my face and smothers me with kisses to let me know that it's time to get up in the morning. Not to mention that if I'm ever worried about her - or even if I'm not - she's right there and I can hear her steady breathing and feel her little fit wiggling around.
All good things must come to an end, however. She is huge and my bed is small and I miss being able to sleep in comfortable positions without worrying about squishing the babe. I'm also hoping that if she's not right next to me she won't smell my milk and will sleep more consecutive hours, thus affording me more sleep as well.
It is with mixed feelings that I make this transition. On the one hand the time has come and I know that she has to grow up eventually, not to mention that at some point there will be another baby who will sleep with me. On the other hand, I don't want her to grow up and me say that I didn't cuddle her enough. Not likely, I know, but still.
I am sure that there will still be many nights where we will find a little body mysteriously crawling into bed to look for comfort or a nursing or warmth, but it won't be the same. Our little baby isn't so little anymore, and we have to accept that. Right, Ima? :)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Clothes are overrated
You know those special moments with your children, like a big good morning kiss out of the blue or the way that their little faces light up when you come home at the end of the day? How about the moment when you open the bedroom door that your toddler is resolutely pounding on only to discover a stark naked child who is very pleased with herself for having gotten to said nudity?
That's right, we have a nudist on our hands. I think that every child (and probably most adults, too) has an inner nudist, but at this age it's still acceptable. L.H. is so committed to disrobing that we have instituted nakey-time every night before changing into pajamas, just so that she can get it out of her system. The biggest giggles of the day come from these 5-10 minutes of freedom.
There's one thing I really don't understand, though - doesn't she get cold? I know that we live in a relatively warm area, but our apartment seems to trap the cold and it is frequently colder inside than outside. During the winter I always dread changing into or out of pajamas or taking a shower, simply because I get so cold. And yet I can barely get my little girl to put on her clothing to begin with.
I guess that there are some things in life that are just worth it. I'll accept being cold because in return I get to be naked. I'll accept having piles of dirty laundry on the couch because in return I get a happy husband. I'll accept the crazy bureaucracies of this country because in return I get to live in the land that I love.
All of life is give and take; sometimes it's just not readily apparent.
That's right, we have a nudist on our hands. I think that every child (and probably most adults, too) has an inner nudist, but at this age it's still acceptable. L.H. is so committed to disrobing that we have instituted nakey-time every night before changing into pajamas, just so that she can get it out of her system. The biggest giggles of the day come from these 5-10 minutes of freedom.
There's one thing I really don't understand, though - doesn't she get cold? I know that we live in a relatively warm area, but our apartment seems to trap the cold and it is frequently colder inside than outside. During the winter I always dread changing into or out of pajamas or taking a shower, simply because I get so cold. And yet I can barely get my little girl to put on her clothing to begin with.
I guess that there are some things in life that are just worth it. I'll accept being cold because in return I get to be naked. I'll accept having piles of dirty laundry on the couch because in return I get a happy husband. I'll accept the crazy bureaucracies of this country because in return I get to live in the land that I love.
All of life is give and take; sometimes it's just not readily apparent.
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