Wednesday, January 16, 2013

So Much For Keeping My Hopes Up...

Yeah, life sucks.  It turns out that I'm about a week behind where I thought I was, so I'm less than six weeks at this point.  And I feel like crap.  I haven't actually been vomiting, but I've spent the entire last couple of days feeling like I'm about to throw up any second.  As you can imagine, this is severely limiting my intakes of food and fluids.  I have this perpetual dry, dehydrated feeling and if the zofran my husband is out picking up for me right now doesn't provide some immediate relief, then I can definitely see having to get an IV by the beginning of next week.

This is ridiculous.

If I ever say that I want to have another child after this one, please shoot me.  Seriously.  While this baby may have been a bit of a surprise, it is still very wanted and I've been spending the past two years mentally and physically preparing.  Guess what?  Nothing can prepare you for this personal type of hell.  Last time I was able to harbor some hope because I didn't know what was going on, but this time I know exactly what's going on and exactly how bad things can get.  That makes it very difficult to put a positive spin on this.

Yes, I have better care already in place.  Yes, I know how wonderful it will be to have a baby at the end of it.  But as always, when asked the question "But it was worth it, wasn't it?"  I can't honestly reply yes.  I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world and I love her to bits and would do anything for her, but seriously - isn't there an easier way to make babies?  Is it unreasonable of me to expect that I should be able to go through this natural, normal process without feeling like I'm dying and without practically abandoning my family?

Whatever.  Clearly I'm feeling a little bitter right now.  Maybe the magic zofran will improve my mood a bit.

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