Thursday, January 10, 2013

Here We Go Again

So, funny story.  Last week I got my BFP (Big Fat Positive).  This pregnancy was very unplanned, to say the least, but it's here and we like babies so no worries. :)  I'm guessing that I'm around 5+ weeks pregnant right now, which means that I'm right around where the sickness hit last time.  And you know what?  I feel awesome!

Okay, maybe awesome is a bit of an overstatement.  But seriously, I feel really great in comparison to last time.  I have moderate nausea off and on and about a zillion very strong food aversions, but so far no vomiting in sight.  I've even managed to gain a couple of pounds on my very limited diet (mostly carbs, a lot of protein, and pickles).  If this is what morning sickness is like, I'd happily take nine months of this over HG any day!

I have two fears in the back of my mind.  One fear is obviously that I'm a ticking time bomb and that the HG will hit any minute now and the next eight months of my life will be a living hell.  The other fear is that maybe the fact that I'm not sick means that I'm not producing enough hormones and that I'll lose the baby.  That's the bigger fear of the two, I think.  I've already done HG once and gotten through it mostly okay (and have an adorable toddler to show for it), but losing a baby is never okay.

Spending the past two years mentally and physically preparing myself for this has really paid off.  When I got the positive, all I felt was pure joy and happiness untainted by the thought of HG.  I am managing to be pretty hopelessly optimistic on this one, perhaps to the point of stupidity but I can't help it.  So much was robbed from me last time and this time I just want to feel that joy and happiness that are supposed to be inherent parts of growing those tiny little miracles in your belly.

That having been said, I also want to keep this a secret as much as I can.  My HG community knows, so that I can get support when I need it, even in this waiting period of "will it hit or not".  I will have to tell my mother since she is planning a trip and this news may change her plans.  But beyond that, we're trying to keep this all very hush-hush until the end of the first trimester.  I just want to have this to myself to be happy about without everyone else asking me a million questions and always looking to see if maybe the HG is starting now.  I just want to be normal.

I have high hopes that my morning sickness will stay morning sickness and that I can report back here along the way about my wonderfully fluffy pregnancy.  In the meantime, my fridge and freezer are stocked with things for both myself and my family, and I'm taking a regiment of prenatals/magnesium/B6.  I have ginger tea (which makes me nauseous), crackers (which are currently a neutral food), and an assortment of other 'typical' foods to help with nausea.  Just because I don't think they'll work doesn't mean I shouldn't give them a try.

All in all, I'm feeling really good about this.  I see the doctor next week for my first appointment of the pregnancy and my first time meeting her, so it should be interesting.  I just want her to tell me that everything is going to be okay, but at the same time I will insist that she give me a prescription for zofran just in case.  Better to have it in the house and wind up donating it to a friend than to not have it when I need it.

Here's hoping for my first fluffy pregnancy!

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