HG Vanquished

It's been a LONG time since I wrote anything.  I just couldn't deal with keeping this blog updated...not that I have a particularly large readership to begin with. :)

Baby Boy (AA) has arrived, finally, after nine VERY long months.  He is now three weeks old and what can I say - we're in love. :)  Big sister LH will be turning three later this month.  It's hard to believe that I was stupid enough to do this twice in the span of three years, but hey - sometimes man plans and God laughs, and let's just leave it at that.

Overall, I would have to say that my pregnancy with AA was easier than with LH.  For starts, this time we knew what we were dealing with and we knew what treatment to demand.  I was on zofran from around 5 weeks this time, versus last time where I didn't get it until second trimester.  Second trimester, can you believe???

I lost the same amount of weight with AA as with LH (10 kg), but I started out 2 kg heavier this time around so while I was much skinnier than I should have been, I wasn't actually as horribly ill-looking as last time.  Also, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles - I actually gained weight beyond my pre-pregnancy weight!  After about 20 weeks I started to gain weight and managed to gain not only the 10 kg I had lost, but an additional 7 beyond that.  That means that after I gave birth, I was just 1-2 kg above my pre-pregnancy weight and that's where I'm holding.

My recovery from this pregnancy is about a zillion times better and easier than in my first pregnancy.  Part of it is the better medical care, part of it is knowing what the heck is going on, part of it is being much better at asking for help and making myself take it easy.  A big part of it is the fantastic birth that I had with this one.  For a quick overview of my two births, and why this recovery is so much better:

LH - labor was a total of 9.5 hours.  All natural birth; got to the hospital about three hours before the birth.  Went from 4 cm to birth in around an hour or so.  Even though she was small (2.948 kg, or around 6lbs8oz), I had some pretty significant tearing and the lovely stitches and more difficult recovery that goes along with that.  Not to mention that I was not in good health at the time of her birth due to the HG, and I was suffering from PTSD.

AA - labor was a total of 2 hours 50 minutes.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I woke up at 12:47 AM with a strong contraction.  The next one was seven minutes later...next seven minutes later...then six minutes...then five...then we hopped in a cab to the hospital.  It's about a 10 minute drive and by the time we got there, I was contracting every two minutes.  Of course the first thing they did at the hospital was lay me flat on my back and strap me to a monitor, after so helpfully informing me that I was only 3 cm.  I felt like I was dying and pretty quickly changed my mind about wanting an epidural.  So they sent me to L&D (had been in triage).  They were really hopping that night with women giving birth, so we had a midwife with us but no nurse or doctor in sight.  Basically, she told me that the anesthesiologist was busy with another woman at the time but that she thought I was moving too quickly to be able to get an epidural.  Each time she checked me (at close intervals) I was a centimeter further along.  Finally when I was 7 cm, she told me that she thought if she broke my water, I would give birth.  While I didn't really want unnecessary interventions, I just wanted the pain to end so I gave her permission.  She broke my water and I had an immediate feeling of relief...until my body starting pushing!  Needless to say, she was right.  She broke my water and five minutes later I was holding my son.  He was 3.565 kg (a coupld of ounces shy of 8 lbs), with a much bigger head than his sister, and I had absolutely NO tearing (even though I felt like I was being ripped open while pushing him out).  Fast, intense birth + no stitches = significantly better recovery.  Not to mention that I was in better health to begin with.

At any rate, I find it very interesting to take a look at my toenails.  You can clearly see where my health was bad and I was malnourished, and where it got better.  I like the smooth nail part where it got better; but the not-nice-looking nail part legitimizes for me how sick I was.  I mean, it's not that easy to mess up your nails like that through normal fluctuations in diet.  But what I was experiencing was NOT a normal fluctuation, or a small fluctuation like an acute illness.  It was honest to goodness malnutrition.

I suffered from PTSD after my pregnancy with LH, but I honestly don't think I'll have a problem this time.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally I just feel so good.  I have to attribute a lot of that to the better support network I had this time.  As much as I may not see eye-to-eye with my in-laws all the time, they really helped out a lot.  They took care of LH when I couldn't, drove me to and from hospital/urgent care/doctor's appointments, and we actually lived by them for a full month when I was at my worst.  They were a steady item in her life when everything else was topsy-turvy.

I can't not mention KT, a very dear friend with the biggest heart in the world.  We first 'met' online while she was in the midst of her second HG pregnancy and was reaching out for support.  I feel blessed that I was able to help her when she needed it...and she has repaid that a thousandfold.  I can't even begin to list the things she has done for us, but let's just say she is awesome awesome awesome.

Of course I couldn't have done it without my husband, NM.  Between his full-time job and running out household during that time, he most certainly had his hands full and he came through it much better this second time around.

The other friends and family who helped out, supported, gave LH some sense of normalcy, tried to do everything they could to help me feel better...what can I say, it makes all the difference.

And of course, my mother arrived two days before the birth and the help and support she provided in the three weeks total that she was here were invaluable.  It was so good to be able to just take it easy and not have to worry about things like cooking and housework while I started to recover.

The dangers of co-sleeping

People always go on and on about the dangers of co-sleeping for the child.  They neglect to mention the dangers to the parent.  Aside from bruised ribs, falling out of bed, crushed noses, and sore backs, there is another danger to parents: suffocation.

Last week I was putting L.H. to bed and dozed off a bit laying beside her.  I wake up a while later a bit hazy and out of it and feeling as though I'm not getting enough air.  As an asthmatic that happens sometimes, but this felt different.  Finally I fully woke up and realized that the problem was that L.H. had shoved her pudgy little arm into my face in such a way that it was completely blocking my nose.  And voila, there you go - parental suffocation.

In all seriousness, though, I think that co-sleeping gets a really bad rap.  There was recently an ad campaign in Milwaukee which pictured an infant in bed sleeping with a butcher knife, with the caption "Your baby sleeping with you can be just as dangerous."  The AAP also recommends against co-sleeping (baby should be in his own bed in his parents' room).

I do agree that co-sleeping can be dangerous - if you don't do it properly.  We made a safe environment for our child.  N. and I are never under the influence of drugs or alcohol; I stopped sleeping with a comforter and instead just use a top sheet and lightweight, breathable blanket - pulled up only to my waist; I didn't give up my pillows but kept her head at least six inches away; and made sure that the sheet was tight-fitting and the mattress wasn't too soft.

There aren't very many statistics available on the topic, but what I have gleaned off of what was available was that most co-sleeping deaths occurred when the parameters for safe sleeping were not met.  As a breastfeeding mother, sleeping with my babe just about saved my sanity.  It took several weeks until I was comfortable sharing my bed with her and until she and I mastered nursing laying down, but once everything clicked into place - suddenly I was actually getting sleep at night.

I don't advocate this practice for everyone.  I just think that there are a lot of scare tactics being used out there that shouldn't be.  If the AAP says that co-sleeping is bad, there are still people who will do it.  Really they should put out a comprehensive list of guidelines for making bed sharing as safe as possible so that those who still decide to do it at least know how to do it right.

The end of co-sleeping: continued

Now I know why I didn't try this transition sooner - I don't operate too well when I don't get enough sleep.  L.H. loooooooooves her new sleep area (I made it very fun for her).  The problem is that she doesn't sleep through the night and never has.  When she was in my bed that didn't bother me so much since I just had to wake up enough to get her started nursing and then I could fall asleep again.  Now, though, her nighttime wakings involve me getting up, going to her bed to nurse, staying awake until she's finished and back asleep, and then somehow crawling back into my (now cold) bed and falling back asleep.  Even if this entire process only takes 10 minutes, it's still very annoying and really breaks up my night.  Some days now I feel like a zombies, and I am drinking caffeinated coffee every day - if not twice a day.

I know that the smart approach might be to try to night wean her and somehow teach her to sleep through the night, but I'm also not so sure about that.  What if she's not ready?  Not all people are wired to sleep through the night until later.  What if she really does need those extra feedings because she's too distracted to eat properly during the day?

I know that I can't live off of caffeine forever and that I need to find some solution so that everyone gets proper sleep.  On the other hand, I also don't want to force L.H. into something that she's not ready for.  Sometimes it's hard to find the proper balance between the two, and I know that she is looking to me, as the parent, to make the right decisions for her.  I just hope that I can find a solution that will make all of us happy and well-rested.

Co-sleeping: the end

Before L.H. was born, I thought that I wouldn't co-sleep.  To be honest, the idea of it kind of scared me.  What if I rolled over on her?  What if she fell out?  What if, what if, what if.  Then she was born and things changed.  She slept mostly in her crib for a few weeks, I think (my memory is kind of foggy) until we mastered nursing laying down and I discovered that the only way I actually got any sleep was by keeping her with me.  I also discovered that what 'they' say is true - my own sleep patterns changed, I completely stopped moving in my sleep, and I was super aware of the babe nestled by my side.  N. could be making noise downstairs and I would never no, but the slightest little sigh from L.H. woke me.

From one side of the family we had people who were very against it and kept trying to talk us out of it (actually, they still do, and have already voiced opinions about the next baby's sleeping arrangements) and on the other side we had former co-sleepers who were very supportive of whatever decisions we decided to make and offered tips for any situation.

And so L.H. shared my bed for 15 months.  I must say, waking up to that precious face every morning is unbeatable.  Nowadays she pats my face and smothers me with kisses to let me know that it's time to get up in the morning.  Not to mention that if I'm ever worried about her - or even if I'm not - she's right there and I can hear her steady breathing and feel her little fit wiggling around.

All good things must come to an end, however.  She is huge and my bed is small and I miss being able to sleep in comfortable positions without worrying about squishing the babe.  I'm also hoping that if she's not right next to me she won't smell my milk and will sleep more consecutive hours, thus affording me more sleep as well.

It is with mixed feelings that I make this transition.  On the one hand the time has come and I know that she has to grow up eventually, not to mention that at some point there will be another baby who will sleep with me.  On the other hand, I don't want her to grow up and me say that I didn't cuddle her enough.  Not likely, I know, but still.

I am sure that there will still be many nights where we will find a little body mysteriously crawling into bed to look for comfort or a nursing or warmth, but it won't be the same.  Our little baby isn't so little anymore, and we have to accept that.  Right, Ima? :)