Sunday, February 12, 2012

Co-sleeping: the end

Before L.H. was born, I thought that I wouldn't co-sleep.  To be honest, the idea of it kind of scared me.  What if I rolled over on her?  What if she fell out?  What if, what if, what if.  Then she was born and things changed.  She slept mostly in her crib for a few weeks, I think (my memory is kind of foggy) until we mastered nursing laying down and I discovered that the only way I actually got any sleep was by keeping her with me.  I also discovered that what 'they' say is true - my own sleep patterns changed, I completely stopped moving in my sleep, and I was super aware of the babe nestled by my side.  N. could be making noise downstairs and I would never no, but the slightest little sigh from L.H. woke me.

From one side of the family we had people who were very against it and kept trying to talk us out of it (actually, they still do, and have already voiced opinions about the next baby's sleeping arrangements) and on the other side we had former co-sleepers who were very supportive of whatever decisions we decided to make and offered tips for any situation.

And so L.H. shared my bed for 15 months.  I must say, waking up to that precious face every morning is unbeatable.  Nowadays she pats my face and smothers me with kisses to let me know that it's time to get up in the morning.  Not to mention that if I'm ever worried about her - or even if I'm not - she's right there and I can hear her steady breathing and feel her little fit wiggling around.

All good things must come to an end, however.  She is huge and my bed is small and I miss being able to sleep in comfortable positions without worrying about squishing the babe.  I'm also hoping that if she's not right next to me she won't smell my milk and will sleep more consecutive hours, thus affording me more sleep as well.

It is with mixed feelings that I make this transition.  On the one hand the time has come and I know that she has to grow up eventually, not to mention that at some point there will be another baby who will sleep with me.  On the other hand, I don't want her to grow up and me say that I didn't cuddle her enough.  Not likely, I know, but still.

I am sure that there will still be many nights where we will find a little body mysteriously crawling into bed to look for comfort or a nursing or warmth, but it won't be the same.  Our little baby isn't so little anymore, and we have to accept that.  Right, Ima? :)

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