Preparing for Another HG Pregnancy

I had hyperemesis with my first - and as yet only - pregnancy.  According to my doctor and research, however, I have a very high likelihood (60-70%) of having it in future pregnancies as well.  Since I gave birth 21 months ago, I have been preparing myself for another pregnancy.  The physical preparations are pretty simple.  The emotional and psychological preparations are not.

Here is a list of things to do to prepare for another HG pregnancy.  I have compiled this list from the list here from the Help HER website, as well as feedback I received from other HG mothers when I asked them what they thought would be good to do in advance.  I have split it into several categories for the sake of clarity and organization.

CHILDCARE

If you have older children, be sure that they are taken care of.  Have a rotation of friends and family look after them, but keep in mind that they will sorely miss you.  For younger children, consider having a basket of quiet activities to keep near you so that they can play near you and with you if you are up for it.  For older children, let them know that you are willing to listen whenever they want to talk and ask them to come sit with you and tell you about their day each afternoon.  See if there are any activities you can do together while you lay down.  Board games?  If they are in a sport/dance/play/whatever and you can't make it to their performances or events, have someone videotape it for you and make sure to watch it with your child afterwards.

For pre-school-aged children, consider getting together with other mothers for a round-robin playgroup.  If there are five children then each mother has the children only one day a week.  Perhaps you can get a family member or friend to be at your house the day the kids are 'yours' and run the activities and take care of them.  It would even be worthwhile to hire someone to help, if that is a possibility.

HOUSEHOLD

Make sure that you aren't planning a move for the next year or more.  Moving while pregnant sucks, especially if you have HG.  Take if from me.  I did it.  DON'T DO IT.

Stock up on EVERYTHING beforehand.  Your husband/significant other will be so overwhelmed just with taking care of you and trying to keep things somewhat sane that you don't want to add extra stresses.  Stock up on all non-perishables, and if you have a deep freeze you can stock up on some frozen goods as well.  Don't forget about things like toilet paper, soaps, cleaners, clothing, etc.

In all your stocking up, try to avoid anything perfumed or otherwise scented as this can be a trigger for vomiting.

Cook and freeze in advance.  Again, a deep-freeze is good for this because the food keeps longer.  Store the food in containers that are the correct size for one meal for how ever many people are eating.  Last time soups wound up being good for hydrating me, so this time I will precook soups and freeze them in single servings in the hopes that they will work again.

Look into grocery delivery services.  Again, this will make your husband's life easier.

Do a deep clean of your house beforehand or hire someone to do it for you.  Organize.  If possible, arrange for a cleaner (or an awesome friend) to come by once a week and help out with cleaning.

Keep a cabinet full of new toys/activities to keep older children busy when you're at your worst.  Go to the dollar store or the dollar section at Target and stock up.  Brainstorm and write up a long list of fun activities so that when your brain is in HG mode you don't even have to think too hard and come up with something new.

DENTAL HEALTH

Go to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays and address any cavities or other issues.  Also ask the dentist about a sealant for your teeth to help protect them against all the vomiting.

GENERAL HEALTH

Address any other health issues before considering trying to conceive.

Quit smoking, drinking alcohol, reduce caffeine intake.  Avoid artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, etc.

Eat a healthy, balanced diet and make sure you have moderate exercise.  With severe HG you will have muscle atrophy.  It helps if you have some muscle to begin with before it atrophies.

Make sure you are slightly above (10 lbs above) your goal healthy weight.  If you are overweight, don't add these 10 lbs.  If you are underweight, spend some serious effort bulking up.  You don't want to do this by eating ice cream all day.  You want to do this by increasing your intake of healthy food and increasing the amount of healthy fats in your diet.  For example, never eat a naked salad - always put on dressing.

Ask your doctor for a comprehensive blood test to check B12, CBC, Ferritin, Potassium, Vitamin D, folic acid and any other levels he thinks it appropriate to address.  Address any vitamin/mineral deficiencies BEFORE trying to conceive.  This blood panel will also serve as a reference point for what your blood looked like when you were healthy.

Start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months before trying to conceive.  Don't forget to take folic acid.  Also, magnesium deficiencies have been shown to contribute to nausea so ask your doctor if you should take a supplement and how much.  And don't forget B6 - while I didn't notice it helping any when I tried it, I was already pretty far gone before it was suggested.  Taking it in advance or from the positive pregnancy test may work better.

EDUCATE

Educate yourself.  Educate your family.  Educate your friends.  Educate your doctor.  Educate your community.  Educate, educate, educate.  I can't stress how important it is.  The HER Foundation has fantastic resources in this area.  Use them.



Obviously there are about a zillion and one other things you can do as well.  I didn't mention a lot of the things on the list at the HER Foundation because - well, why duplicate effort?  Each individual will have their own needs as well.  The best thing to do is to sit down with your doctor in advance and make an action plan.  Of course we all hope that all of this planning will be completely useless because we'll have happy, fluffy, non-HG pregnancies - but we can't count on that happening.

I hope that this list provides at least a springboard for planning for your next HG pregnancy.

Baby Dolls

There are those moments in your life when you just look at your child in amazement and wonder how such an incredibly precious creature came out of you.  LH is always full of wonderful surprises and is at a very fun (if trying) age.

What I really get a kick out of is seeing how she interacts with her baby doll.  I've always thought that you can tell something about parents just by watching the behavior of their young child.  Well LH simply lavishes her love on this poor, bedraggled doll.  Whether it's gently laying her down in a basket and rubbing her head so she'll go to sleep or carrying around patting her back or strapping her into the high chair and giving her water from her own sippy cup, LH just mothers this little doll to death.

And then there are the times when she is very clearly NOT modelling her behavior after us.  We have never thrown her to the ground, stepped on her, or used her as a comfy chair.  We have never bitten her or strangled her with her headband.  And we most certainly have never tried to stick her in the garbage.

But it's those nice moments when she is being such a mensch that really get at me.  I can't help but be a proud mama when I see how sweet and loving and caring my little girl is.  She can only be learning her behavior from N and me (as I am a stay at home mother) so it's so nice to see that she's picking up on all the right things.

Now we just have to convince her that I'm not a trampoline, either....

Busy Times

I haven't been on here to post in a month.  I have been so busy with so many other projects, work, finding a place to move, etc. that I simply haven't had a chance to write things for myself.  Mostly the only writing I do nowadays is writing that pays, even if it is only a small amount.

So yes, I've been busy.

You know something that really annoys me?  When people are hypocritical.  I'm sure that I am also guilty of this offense at times, but I try not to be.  I have a friend who gets angry at me when I'm too busy to call or get together, but when she's too busy it's not a problem.  You see, I wouldn't see it as a problem if she didn't see my busyness as a problem, but she does so I do.  If that made sense.

A different friend lent me Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy recently.  I've read the first book before and liked it, but never continued on with the series.  Let me tell you, it's worthwhile.  I just started the third one last night and I'm very excited to see what happens with it.  The second one left off at a major cliffhanger and I'm just itching to see what becomes of everyone.

Okay, so there's really no point to this post.  Just a bunch of rambling on and on, and if you're still reading then I apologize.  Heck, even I'm bored at this point!

Okeydokey, no more torture.  Have a good weekend!

"Just get over it already"

I was just downstairs speaking with a relative of N, who is over right now to babysit to that I can get some work done.  She so kindly brought over some fish and some soup for us to eat.  When I mentioned that I haven't really been into fish since my pregnancy, her response was "just get over it already.  Pregnancy is the only way to make babies.  You don't have a choice.  So just get over it."

Aside from the fact that there are other ways to get children (like surrogacy or adoption), I can't just "get over it".  It was a very traumatic experience in many ways and has shaped both my life and my marriage.  I can't just throw away an important piece of my personal history because someone thinks I should eat fish.  I never liked fish to begin with and only ate it for a few years.  I don't miss it.

The fish really isn't the point, though.  HG, along with every other serious illness, has long-lasting and long-reaching effects.  Just as you wouldn't tell someone who survived cancer to "just get over it" or you wouldn't tell someone who suffered a heart attack to "just get over it", you also can't tell an HG sufferer or survivor to "just get over it".

If you have HG with one pregnancy, then the odds are against you for having subsequent normal pregnancies.  I am well aware of this fact.  I am hoping and praying for only the best pregnancies in the future, but I am also very aware of the other possibility and am preparing myself accordingly.  My doctor agrees with me (and she gave me even slimmer odds of avoiding it in the future than what the HER foundation website provides), so I really don't care what other relatives think of it.  Sometimes I just wish that they would shut up and leave me be to do what I need to do without being made to feel guilty for it.

No More Milk???

Sadness has come over this household: my milk supply suddenly disappeared.  One day we were doing just fine, and the next I'm running on empty.  I know that breastfeeding all the way until 18 months is quite an accomplishment and I really am proud of myself, especially seeing how LH thrives on my milk.  The thing is, neither of us were ready to give it up quite yet.

It's been a rough few days so far, with no signs of my milk supply returning, despite my best efforts.  LH is taking it really hard, and I can't blame the kid.  I didn't prepare her for this.  It wasn't the gradual, baby-led weaning I was planning on.  She just had to quit cold turkey.

And just when I finally got around to converting my regular bras into nursing bras, too...

Finally fat!

I know that most people don't celebrate weight gain, but I am so happy!  My old clothing finally fits me properly.  No more safety pins, no more constant hiking up of my skirt, no more baggy shirts.  Yay!

I weigh more now than when I got pregnant, although at that time I weighed the least I ever had.  Recently, while shopping for a new outfit with some of my husband's family, one of the lovely ladies commented that I looked skinnier if I didn't wear the matching belt.  I just took the comment and ignored it, but really it bothered me a little bit.  My goal isn't to look skinny.  I did the whole skinny thing and I didn't like it.  My goal is to look healthy, and if that means that I have a little tummy, then so be it.

I have worked so hard for the past 18 months to gain all this weight.  While society generally does not find fat attractive, I don't see a problem with showing off my hard-earned belly fat.  Yeah, I know, that doesn't sound so nice, either.  But I am at a healthy weight for my height and build, I am purposely gaining in preparation for another pregnancy, and I don't think that I should be made to feel fat and unattractive when I'm not.

Wow.  That post went off on a little tangent I wasn't expecting.  At any rate, my point is that I am so happy to be me again after such a long time of being only half of me.  Wearing clothing that fits is such a pleasure.  Getting rid of those safety pins is such a pleasure.  Not having to constantly check to be sure that I have no skin peeking out where it shouldn't be is a pleasure.  And looking and feeling healthy is a pleasure.

So I don't care what other people think.  I am happy with me.  That's all that matters.

Car Seat Safety

In general I love living in Israel, but I must admit - the driving here is absolutely dreadful.  There also seems to be a general disregard for safety (like children riding on motorcycles, use of carseats that are older than I am, children not properly strapped into their seats or not belted at all, etc.).  More often than not I see all of these in circumstances when I can't speak up (not that I would have the guts to).  It is very frustrating, though, when I see these practices in people close to me.

A couple weeks ago I happened to spend half the day with a family with six children, newborn to 13 years old. The newborn, when she was in her car seat and not on her mother's lap, was not properly strapped in.  The next oldest child (2) was also not always strapped in, let alone properly.  Is the kid a little fussy?  Okay, take him out, give him what he wants.

This is a huge contrast to what we do.  Last night N, LH and I were returning from a mini vacation and we got stuck in a major traffic jam, so a car ride that should have taken 2.5 hours turned into 4.5 hours.  Of course LH did not appreciate being tethered and unable to wiggle around all that time, but she never left her seat.  The most I did was unclip her chest clip so that I could take off her sweatshirt while we were stopped, and then she was clipped right back up.  In the middle she very much wanted to nurse - a feat which I accomplished without touching her restraints at all and with a minimal adjustment of my seat belt.  I don't care if we were going under 30kph; it's not worth it to risk my child's safety for the sake of comfort.

Obviously there are people out there who disagree with me, and I know exactly how annoying it can be to have a screaming baby in the car because they don't want to be in the car seat.  Trust me, if something happened to your babe because you weren't taking the precautions you could have, you would beat yourself up forever that you didn't just suck it up and listen to the screaming for a little bit.

It doesn't matter what our parents or our grandparents did.  It doesn't matter that the old car you grew up in didn't even have seat belts in the back seat, or that holding a baby in your lap was the norm.  Just because you were never hurt, just because your friend was never hurt, doesn't mean it can't happen.  A properly installed, properly used child restraint system saves lives.  Don't take the risk.  God can only do so much against stupidity.  Think of the car seat as the protective hug that you are giving your child while you are driving.  Never stop hugging your children.