Thursday, January 19, 2012

Friends no more

Sometimes life throws tough decisions at you, and you have to learn how to live with it - whether you decide right or wrong, one thing or another, you have to live with your decision.

I find that I actually have a harder time making small decisions than big ones.  It takes me longer to decide what to eat for lunch than it did for me to decide to move to Israel.  I think that part of that is because the little decisions don't really matter and you can change them anytime without a problem.  The big decisions, though, can cause you to lose a lot of sleep and it's better to just lay out all of the pros and cons and make a swift choice so that you aren't stuck wrestling with yourself forever.

One of my hardest decisions, though, was to cut someone out of my life.  I had a friend who I liked very much, but I felt that she was being a bad influence on me.  Not bad in terms of drugs, alcohol, illegal activity, etc.  Just bad in terms of negativity and questioning my relationship with my husband.

I don't have so many friends that losing one doesn't hurt.  Even now, nearly a year later, there are times when I consider picking up the phone and just calling her, just to say hi and chat and see how things are going.  But I know that I have gone down the road in another direction, and going back won't bring me anything good.

It's not often that I actively decide whether to keep a friend or not.  Sometimes people sort of drift in and out of your life - or just drift out - and it's called moving on.  People fall in and out of friends all the time.  I guess what hurts is that it wasn't a natural progression of events; it was a targeted move on my part for us to be separate.  A friend becomes a little part of you, and to surgically remove that part isn't always so easy.

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